Chaos & Peace.

Well it’s peaceful now, finally, although warm again. The two that abused me have been dealt with and are much less of a threat now, to practically non-existent. It’s the healing that needs to take place now, and it’s a slow process healing from narcissistic and psychopathic abuse. I haven’t heard from either of them in awhile so I’m guessing they finally got the hint. Although she still whines and complains that she was “framed” multiple times, it’s a false accusation. Ah well, that’s on her shoulders not mine.


My healing is slow…and we’re still dealing with demons (at times) and souls that travel the astral plane to be here and harrass on their behalf. This type of abuse is insidious and it takes at least 12-24 months to heal from it. Yes you read that right…a total of two years just to settle the chemicals back down to normal, get enough sleep/rest, and get back to where we used to be prior to meeting the monsters.


The damage they do is pretty deep, they try to “become” you and at the same time, erase who you are at the very core of yourself. In most situations you can just pick up and move on, but after these “non-humans” it’s just not that easy.  You are left at war with yourself, your thoughts, your body, your dreams…basically anything about you that made you …well, “you.”  I am trying to find my way back to who I was before, although this time wiser that these soul less individuals walk amongst us and are pretty prevalent unfortunately.  These creatures prey on unsuspecting people and leave you almost lifeless, maybe financially destitute, and bereft of all emotions and life force, so it’s no wonder it takes two years just to rebuild our lives, health and emotional stability & well being. I’m in it for the long haul but I can say this for certain: Never once in my entire life, have I ever been so exhausted, worn out, drained and just simply TIRED.


Chronic stress leads to  adrenal fatigue which is an additional burden on us, and an additional issue to deal with. As stated previously, I’ve never been so exhausted as I am having to deal with the aftermath of this. For certain this is not how I pictured my thirties as going. I honestly figured I’d be married with a family at this point in time, rather than battling these two on a astral/spiritual level and demonic entities.  It’s no wonder I’m so damn tired all of the time………………..



Life itself has been busy lately, and stirred up thanks to the full moon, which I’m hoping when it enters a new phase, it calms down somewhat. I took a break again from blogging, and this weekend from most of my courses. After awhile they do tend to become overwhelming. I’ve also been busy trying to fix my webcam as it seems with most Gateway computers, especially the touch screen that I have, the webcams seem to no longer exist on the computer, meaning they cannot find it! I have turned the permissions on, and enabled the camera, and nothing came of it, have also tried to locate proper drivers to update and that’s a headache in itself, even with the serial number.  Also, Chrome is having some buggy issues itself lately…..with black spots appearing all over websites.


In other news,  I’m beginning to think California skipped Spring this year and went straight into Summer, as it’s been in the 80’s lately and it’s only late April. The nights are warmer now as well thanks to the Marine Layer coming in as we transition seasons. Soon enough it’ll be warm here in the morning and especially at night, and then humid as well.  For now, it’s beginning to warm up already and we have had some Santa Ana winds coming in as well and this next week we are supposed to have a chance of rain late Tuesday night into Wednesday, which we need before the hot, drier months hit and fire season begins once again. Last year was pretty bad for the county as thousands were displaced. I just hope it’s not that bad, once again.


As far as anything to do with me in other news, it’s been relatively quiet in the real world. We got my mom set up with PACE (Google it) and we have a visit scheduled to their facilities upcoming to check out and that should be interesting. The whole idea sounds nice on the surface but I’ll know more when I see the building(s) itself/themselves to judge for myself. On the whole, it’s through the church she attends so it can’t be too bad. We shall see how that ends up turning out however.


I’m still healing although I’m further than where I was when I initially wrote entries about it here, describing what I was going through at that time. Healing happens in stages it seems and not all of it is healed quite yet, it just takes time for those wounds to close and scar over. Moving forward despite being wounded assists in that process however, thankfully. Anyway that’s the latest from my lil corner of the world. 🙂


Favorite Place Photo Challenge.

via Photo Challenge: Favorite Place

My little patio outside (as big as shown here) is my favorite place to be. In the Spring it’s a nice cool area to be, and in the summer, the trees cover most of it in shade so I don’t roast. Except in the early morning, when bee’s swarm the trees looking for berries and pollen during the summer months. It’s mainly quiet and away from the chaos of the house and a peaceful place to be. 🙂 The little bin is my table for drinks, food, tablet/phone/book(s), feet, etc. The trees back there have that natural bend to them that you can view in the picture.


It didn’t always look this cleaned up, in fact this took a few months of work to clear. I had to move a lawn mower first of all that was around the corner from the back door, off my room. Then I had a lot of sweeping, trimming and general picking up to do of trash, leaves, stems, sticks and general stuff from nature. What came to be is what you see now after much work was done. I only have it half lined with bricks for the moment but my plan is to finish lining it so it looks completed.


The neighbor here has two pine trees growing in her yard and they are right by my patio area, on the opposite side of the fence. It’s a nice, just right size for me, retreat. 🙂

DST and spring.

There’s good things about Spring coming and one of those is the longer evenings, thanks to DST. I, like everyone else, is walking around this week tired. One of the things about summer are the longer nights and days, which since its quickly approaching, is a good thing. Bbq’ing is certainly easier when you grill later in the evening and can see what you are doing. Although I can wait for the warm nights as last summer we had 97 degree nights thanks to Santa Ana winds, or some summer storms coming up from Baja.

I think the best thing about the summer here are the sunsets. Since we are kinda rural out here, not many buildings obscure the view of the sky. They make the hot days more than worth it.

New Years Day.

So far is being spent listening to football in the background and recovering from moving furniture and heavy boxes around for hours yesterday. I’m happy with the result and I know I’ll be fine tuning things when I’m not so sore. I’m not one to set resolutions…because they never stick. However, I am grateful to see 2017 gone as it was a harsh year. I’ve learned a lot and am still healing and recovering from the mayhem and chaos.


I’m also trying to  do more coursework rather than let it slide, especially with self paced courses.  Those are great however… can forget about them and there’s no set deadlines to finish quizzes, assignments, readings etc so it’s easy to forget about them completely and come back a month or two later. Opps! I moved things around on the desk to accommodate notebooks etc and then let the courses slide. Not a good idea!! It helps with achieving a balance between things and situations in my life.


Last year was mostly spent healing, recovering, moving, settling, disclosing, and figuring out and uncovering the truth about situations that had already occurred. Also mainly playing catch up with my courses, homework, readings and friends I hadn’t talked to in months. I actually had one friend tell me they had been trying to text me since June…I had forgotten to tell them I had changed my number. Opps!!!


I am hoping this year to be more on top of things and not in such a lost place….well maybe that is a resolution after all, eh? 🙂 Have a safe, warm and gentle new years day. 🙂



The long, winding, curvy, turbulent, stormy, twisting, cruel, bitter, beautiful path back to myself.

This post is designed to be honest, open and different. You are entitled to either indulge or skip it entirely.

The storm came in with a blinding force with a set determination and a wind speed that blew away any preconceived notions I had set aside in my effort to remain ‘sane’. The storm blew in chaos, disorder, hate, anger, pain. It also came with a blinding shield that I donned with no hesitation. I was determined to just ride it out as much as possible and not deal with the aftermath, or any damage that resulted. The storm blew in a darkness that was so deep it carved open a hole that I would soon fall into. The path was covered in this deep, impenetrable darkness and the turns were winding and an outcropping of rock or stones presented themselves at every opportunity. I tripped over every single one and yet placed the blame on someone else, instead of realizing who the blame should be on. I was wearing the blinding shield …so I noticed nothing was amiss at the time. I couldn’t see or hear what was being twisted around me, from something beautiful and pure to dark and cold. I never stopped to take a look around or to question the obvious. I just existed in this dark underbelly of chaos and disorder while everything we had worked so hard for disintegrated into pure ash. The path I was on was destructive, not just to myself but to everyone around my immediate vicinity and in my life as well. The decay that was left was intangible….yet very much real.

I resolutely kept trudging along, content in the darkness and not being aware of the damage that not only existed, but was being re awakened in the fog that seemed to settle over absolutely everything I tried to examine. Every thing I questioned was answered in silence, riddles or ridicule. or even worse…a lie. I tried to examine things that were being questioned, things that couldn’t wait for a month or two before being fixed. Meanwhile, while searching endlessly for the right path out of this storm….every single piece of ground we covered was demolished and replaced with quicksand. Instead of rising from the ashes like a phoenix, we sunk deeper and deeper until rock bottom was hit. This storm was violent you see..and eager to cause destruction. It was hungry for darkness, chaos and spite. It was thirsting for attention, drama and conflict. If any one of these was not to be found, it was created. If something was found to be beautiful, it was dealt a quick blow and destroyed in a matter of minutes. Nothing was allowed to thrive and grow in this tangled heap. It was destroyed by fire, blood, sweat and tears.

Nothing would be left untouched…..everywhere one looked, there was burnt out piles of life, hope, and happiness. The anger that stemmed from this storm was merciless in its wit and quick tongue to remind all of misdeeds, instead of forgetting and forgiving. It was quick to lash out and cause pain….the target often times was innocent of the alleged misdeeds. However, that didn’t matter any. The justification was silenced with a constant belittling berating fury. At times, the wind calmed enough to gather energy and strength for the next imagined battle to give it claim. Soon thorns would emerge from the many branches that stretched out into the darkness, and those thorns would cut deep into any flesh that happened to pass by. The wounds inflicted were sure to ooze not only blood, but frustration as well. The thorns would illicit anger and the blood spilled would add to the decay that was prevalent in every direction. The ash began piling up on every surface covering more of the true path and making the journey arduous. The smoke from the fires of deceit filled the sky until any sunlight was blocked out.  The darkness crept in and turned day into night, and ushered in the shadows. The truth of the matter was hidden in an attempt to illicit events of the past to transpire… see, this storm had a hidden agenda. Seek and destroy all that dwell and tried to find shelter from the storm.

Unfortunately, this storm didn’t seem to have an ending…it persisted because change was resisted. The path was leading to a serial repetition of events long since transpired and exhausted, and I continued along blindly. Any attempt to question or confront the storm would end in a battle wound that cut so severely one didn’t make the mistake twice. Eventually strings would end up on my arms and I was strung along blindly in a jealous rage. Busy work would ensue to keep me from seeing the haunting truth. It would take many trudges through this dark and ruined landscape for me to confront the storm and implement changes that would disable the power it carried within its depths. When it was found that the truth outshone the dark power it held, it blew away to hide in its evil depths. The light poured hope into the desolate destruction that was left behind. Wounds were cleansed, bound and on the path to healing. Lies were brought to the light and cast out. The branches were broken off and burned, the thorns turned into rose bushes in the presence of the light and sunshine. The ash blew away, never to reappear. The winds calmed to soft, gentle warm breezes. Out of the destruction came beauty, and the true path. The path lead to peace and tranquility. It carries righteousness, truth, light, love, serenity and joy. The door to the other path is currently locked and sealed, so as the storm can’t get in.

This is the descriptive story of how I found the right path once again. The tale of how I’m attempting to put my life back together after the storm finally ended. The path led to myself….I just had to find it. Readers, if you find yourself in such a storm as the one I described, do not be hesitant to ask for help. Keep asking until you receive it..and remember that although humans may make you feel alone, the truth is that you are not. Its true freedom when you get away from someone that causes a storm such as this, but healing begins when you allow the lies you were told to be sent to the light and then cast out. We are here to be loved and to love….not to manipulate others. Until next time, Lisa. 🙂

Why Your Life Story Matters and Why You Need to Tell It Now | Psychology Today

via Why Your Life Story Matters and Why You Need to Tell It Now | Psychology Today.

I found this article on my Facebook news feed, of all places. Having read it I decided to share it via a post because the article has some really good points worth noting. It explains the difference between your life story and your “story”. As in…they do not include the story of where you grew up, your first job, etc. They want you to really dig down and see if anything that has happened to you has meaning. It all makes a difference…the perception that you are important and your life does have meaning. Even the mundane has meaning. It doesn’t have to be public…my life story certainly isn’t . I’ve only shared what I’ve endured and survived in the last year alone. But I think this is certainly an article worth reading… I am sharing it here with all of you. Enjoy! 🙂

Conversations I’m tired of already.

I have changed this blog title out of respect for a fellow blogger..although I did receive inspiration from her. 🙂  If you are interested, the blog is Suziespeaks.  Please make a point to visit her blog. Like this topic? Then by all means stop by and thank her for the inspiration she left for me and others. 🙂

Okay moving on…. Number one conversation I’m tired of already:

I am sick to death of emote being the focal point of conversations. I understand completely that they convey feeling, but hiding behind them is completely frustrating for the person on the receiving end. Trying to build conversation around them is pointless because you just end up with a smiley being sent your way…instead of actual text which allows flowing communication. Without this, there is really no point of engaging. Seriously…limit the emote and engage in actual conversation. i tend to ignore conversations where that is the main focal and building point…because there is no way to engage and actively discuss things. I might as well be talking to a brick wall and so now when this happens, I actively disengage and ignore repeated attempts. Why bother?

Second conversation: “Your distant…and in denial”

The same tired argument….over and over. If I can get my point across once without having to make repeated attempts at explaining myself..then great. Otherwise, by the fifth time and/ or the fifth day of explaining, I’m frustrated, and give up even trying to respond in a meaningful manner. Because no matter how I phrase it, break it down, or just all out point out the obvious….if the person still doesn’t come of their high horse and make a point of trying to see the other side of the argument, its fruitless and I have better things to do with my time. Point blank.

Third Conversation: “Feel pity for me”.

I don’t give this type of conversation any attention at all. I don’t give the other party fuel for their pity party, and this may seem like I’m being heartless, but sometimes giving them fuel makes you the responsible party even if you have no part in whatever the situation is. It’s best to disengage from this type of conversation quickly and quietly. Just put the phone down, or walk away….because if they suck you in, then your own life gets pulled down into their cycle of negativity and sucks the life out of you. Plus it sucks your energy and ultimately isn’t worth it. If left alone, they will eventually tire of their self-pity and pull themselves back up. Every. Single. Time.

Fourth Conversation: ” I hate drama!”

Usually I have found that the people whom say this the most, are the ones who cause it or invite it in on a silver platter. Please….stop telling me this and just start showing me (and the world) how much you actually despise it by not actively engaging in it.

Fifth Conversation: “What are you going to do when..(insert beloved relatives name in here and their demise)”

Seriously?! That’s my business and not anyone else’s. I have my life planned out and I do not feel that I need to seek someone’s approval on how I go about laying it out for myself. It’s a form of manipulation that isn’t cute or friendly and I also tend to cut off this conversation rather quickly. There’s nothing to be gained from it. Except sparking my anger…which well then I would just be wise to walk away…in the opposite direction.

These are some of the conversations I’m tired of having already. I have mentioned five of the more common themes here but in reality there’s many more where they come from. Truth be told, I am tired of rehashing these and many others. It is draining, stressful and just not necessary. I will work out what I need to have in my life in my own time, way and speed. I haven’t done so bad lately and things are coming together, it is just slow…and that is what I wanted for five years.

So let go at this in my own way and timing and things will fall together like they are supposed to. In the meantime I’m doing the best I can for myself….and guiding myself down this journey (with help…I must add that) and so far its shaping up. It’s by no means perfect….but its my life, my journey. Usually the ones whom are judging your life are the ones too lazy to focus on their own and make changes that work for them. I wanted to blog more but honestly I am really tired and I need to make something to eat. Until next time, Lisa. 🙂

A photographic look at San Diego, Ca.

Its hot….there is no way I can effectively sugar coat that. It’s just plain HOT! Then factor in the humidity….yeah..lets not go there. I was on this laptop last night when I noticed a pinkish hue making its way into my room….I looked outside and noticed a gorgeous sunset. It was beautiful..the third time this summer we’ve been graced with an amazing sunset. I have photos of where I call home, and I am more than happy to share them here, with you. Please be advised that I am not flaunting where I live in your face…I am just merely sharing this with you. I really love San Diego! ❤ 🙂 **These are not my photos..they are courtesy of Google Images.**


Full Moon rising over San Diego City Skyline, viewed from Harbor Island

Full Moon rising over San Diego City Skyline, viewed from Harbor Island

San Diego city skyline at night, showing the buildings of downtown San Diego reflected in the still waters of San Diego Harbor, viewed from Coronado Island.

San Diego city skyline at night, showing the buildings of downtown San Diego reflected in the still waters of San Diego Harbor, viewed from Coronado Island.


Ocean Beach Pier, also known as the OB Pier or Ocean Beach Municipal Pier, is the longest concrete pier on the West Coast measuring 1971 feet (601 m) long.  Sunset Cliffs and Point Loma extend off to the south.

Ocean Beach Pier, also known as the OB Pier or Ocean Beach Municipal Pier, is the longest concrete pier on the West Coast measuring 1971 feet (601 m) long. Sunset Cliffs and Point Loma extend off to the south.

Picture of the clouds above the ocean beach pier reflecting the orange from the sun that has just set.

Picture of the clouds above the ocean beach pier reflecting the orange from the sun that has just set.

Granted…I didn’t always love it here….there was a whole year of time where I hated it. I actually wanted to be anywhere but where I was. Crazy, right? At the time I didn’t think so. Until I really looked around and decided I loved where I was, the city, the rural areas, the entire county of San Diego, in fact. We have mountains, inland valleys (where I currently reside), coastal areas and beaches, and deserts. I just really love it here…and the sunset’s this summer have been fantastic. Whenever a tropical system moves over us, besides the rain, the sunsets are the best part. Definitely worth the time to check out and take photos. I used to really be in love with where I live….and that has slowly come back. Even during the humid summers, such as the one we are experiencing now, I still truly love it here. I love how the air here is fresh and clean (no smog), the breeze is usually off the water except when we have the Santa Ana winds blowing through, and how this city always tends to come together to help those whom need a helping hand. Of course I can’t forget that we are a Military city….we have all four branches of the Military residing here. 89calendar-002b midway01_8in_30

The Unconditional Surrender statue with the USS Midway Aircraft Carrier Museum in the background.

The Unconditional Surrender statue with the USS Midway Aircraft Carrier Museum in the background.

The two previous images before the statue are of the USS Midway as well, once in active duty in 1989 and now retired in our bay as an aircraft carrier museum. I am also including images of The Star of India…allegedly reported to be haunted. images 50519669_3a96e224a3_b 250px-STARofIndia(c)Ted_Rufus_Ross

I absolutely adore and love San Diego as you can clearly tell..but its during the summer that it truly shines. Okay here’s a few more pictures…this time of our Coronado Bridge, which spans the distance between Coronado Island and San Diego.

Coronado Bridge, and downtown San Diego, California.

Coronado Bridge, and downtown San Diego, California.


I hope you have enjoyed this as much as I enjoy sharing it. 🙂 Have a good Wednesday folks! Until next time, Lisa. 🙂

Well…I guess you won’t be staying?

In the midst of investing in my life, health and education….I’ve noticed more people are simply falling away from my life. Some are quiet about it and I prefer that but yet some are simply noise makers who love to be heard. I figured changing my focus would ruffle the feathers of some….but all? Some of them are people I’ve known for years now…some have stayed by my side and helped me along the way, and some just disappear under the radar. Normally no big deal, but when they make causes problems. Such as when they announce on a homepage to everyone that they’ve unfriended you. Ridiculous, really.

But I hear these things are completely normal….people naturally fall away that do not have the same vibration as yourself when you try to improve your life. I have been working on improving my life lately…as you’ve no doubt read in my posts. I love the saying ” The secret of change is not to spend energy on the old, but to spend it on building the new” …..and have been living by this for almost a month now. I’m not saying I don’t love the ones whom have stood by my side for years and are still in my life…I am just saying that I don’t need to expand so much energy on the old. After all….telling sad stories from your past tends to make them linger into your future. With my past..I’d rather it just stay away altogether.

I’m beginning to really make peace with my past and move away from it..which is a healthy, necessary step to take. Unfortunately that means certain people won’t end up with me on the same path which is just fine. Everyone has their own journey and everyone struggles with something. I’m just happy they are removed and the energy associated with them is wiped away as well. Makes way for the new and positive and that’s all that matters in the end. In some ways I suppose I can view it as a narrowing of my life as I am focused on myself…but in some ways that’s a limiting version of the truth.

The current people in my life don’t need to be struggling with anyone in my life  …and truth be told I have people in my social circle from all facets of life, diverse backgrounds, religions, countries..etc. However, I do tend to protect people who I am close too and if that means removing someone whom is toxic then that is what must be done to preserve my sanity and well-being, not to mention my peace of mind. That’s the sad part of improving one’s self…people just fall away.

Improving your life and your self is one of the greatest acts of kindness you can perform…because without the right energy and taking care of one’s self..we are of no service to others. Like Lucille Ball has said “You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world” and she is absolutely spot on. You have to start with yourself if you wish to change the world, for it improves your outlook and what starts on inside always ends up manifesting on the outside. I’ve had great results with that mindset and I have to say I believe it to be so.

I had to find inner peace and well-being on the inside before I could make my outer physical world appear more peaceful and with that being the intent, when it was made so, people who brought conflict or tension were just removed. I let them go….I will not chase anyone anymore. If they are removed, or remove themselves, I figure it’s for my own good and something is being worked out behind the scenes. I just tend to follow the plan until I see His results and His intentions. I just have to have faith and trust in Him.

Patience is another thing I’m currently working on…or attempting to at least. I don’t have much in the way of patience anymore but I am trying to strengthen that character flaw. It is a much-needed characteristic because before all of this, I had bucket loads of it. I worked with a family, a rather large family that included two elementary school kids and an infant. Patience was a given..even when it was in short supply. This is one I am currently working on.

I have always said and claimed that I never expected my life to change so drastically and this is the truth. But in hindsight…it was truly needed to open my eyes to the reality around me and what wasn’t working in my favor any longer. I realized a lot of things about myself that I didn’t like…and some that I did. Needless to say my eyes are open and I’m noticing things that I didn’t take time to think of before. I still have some character flaws but I am moving beyond them now and expanding into new ways of being, thinking and seeing. I am far from perfect but I don’t have no need to reach perfection. I am only aiming to be a better version of whom I was. No more, no less. Perfection is an illusion..and I have no need for  illusions. I’d rather keep it real and live in reality.

As this has been happening, I have also noticed the continual upheaval in my life has disappeared. There are certainly bumps in the road, but the constant arguing and emotional drama/games have gone by the wayside. The more I’m my authentic self..the more everyone around me appears to be as well. I love the freedom I have to just be myself, or live and let live. It’s a more natural state to just be….and not expect anything.

When you don’t expect anything from anyone, you will not be disappointed. I have found this to be truth as well….I would rather just have peace, calm and occasional silence rather than conflict, upheaval and drama. I just don’t have time nor a place for it. I have also learned to just ignore the ones I don’t resonate that well with. That is for the best as well, overall. I am able to concentrate more on what I want in life and that includes my education. I can’t pretend I’m passing all of my courses with perfect marks but I am more invested this time around and making more of an effort to really concentrate and be focused.

Energy flows where attention goes so that make it a no brainer for me. I have simply decided to have a more peaceful, calmer life….and that includes focusing on my quizzes and materials that are presented to me each week. For example, I’d usually wait till the last-minute to start the first writing assignment in my English course, but this time I had it ready and waiting, saved on my laptop until I needed to submit it. I’m not claiming to be better prepared than the rest of my classmates, I just know that waiting to have it submitted leaves me with time to spare and focus on my other courses and time left over to type some blog posts. Its all about prioritizing..something I have learned well. I learned this the hard way…to be prepared. Too often I have waited until the last minute to complete and submit my assignment and paid the price with my grades.

I have definitely learned from those experiences. I have also finished my career portfolio and already applied to some jobs this week. Not bad for this only being Tuesday. Typically, I’m not so productive in a single week but these last few weeks have been very different. I have learned to prioritize and etch out those things that didn’t need to be accomplished or were of  no importance …in other words I delegated tasks a level of importance in my life. Those that were important were delegated. Those that can wait or be removed altogether? Eliminated entirely. 🙂  By the way…I’ve broken this post up into small, digestable paragraphs since it is long. I figured that would be a good idea. I don’t like reading blog entries that are one run on paragraph myself so I try to be considerate to my readers in this aspect.

It’s funny how quickly life can change…or stay the same. I say embrace life…and let it change you for the better. I hated change at one time, now I welcome it. Sometimes life has to fall apart before it can fall back together, but better, and stronger than ever before and the same can be said about a person as well. Sometimes you have to completely fall apart and then you can choose how you rebuild yourself. One thing that can be taken away from all of that is; you will be much stronger in the end for having experienced whatever it was that broke you. It took me seeing that with my own eyes to really internalize and believe that. It also won’t rain forever, and that took me a long time to believe as well. All I kept seeing was the storm, instead of the good in my life I had around me the entire time. Well…I will digress for now..since this is a rather long post. Until next time, Lisa. 🙂