Why Your Life Story Matters and Why You Need to Tell It Now | Psychology Today

via Why Your Life Story Matters and Why You Need to Tell It Now | Psychology Today.

I found this article on my Facebook news feed, of all places. Having read it I decided to share it via a post because the article has some really good points worth noting. It explains the difference between your life story and your “story”. As in…they do not include the story of where you grew up, your first job, etc. They want you to really dig down and see if anything that has happened to you has meaning. It all makes a difference…the perception that you are important and your life does have meaning. Even the mundane has meaning. It doesn’t have to be public…my life story certainly isn’t . I’ve only shared what I’ve endured and survived in the last year alone. But I think this is certainly an article worth reading…..so I am sharing it here with all of you. Enjoy! 🙂

Advertisements

Conversations I’m tired of already.

I have changed this blog title out of respect for a fellow blogger..although I did receive inspiration from her. 🙂  If you are interested, the blog is Suziespeaks.  Please make a point to visit her blog. Like this topic? Then by all means stop by and thank her for the inspiration she left for me and others. 🙂

Okay moving on…. Number one conversation I’m tired of already:

I am sick to death of emote being the focal point of conversations. I understand completely that they convey feeling, but hiding behind them is completely frustrating for the person on the receiving end. Trying to build conversation around them is pointless because you just end up with a smiley being sent your way…instead of actual text which allows flowing communication. Without this, there is really no point of engaging. Seriously…limit the emote and engage in actual conversation. i tend to ignore conversations where that is the main focal and building point…because there is no way to engage and actively discuss things. I might as well be talking to a brick wall and so now when this happens, I actively disengage and ignore repeated attempts. Why bother?

Second conversation: “Your distant…and in denial”

The same tired argument….over and over. If I can get my point across once without having to make repeated attempts at explaining myself..then great. Otherwise, by the fifth time and/ or the fifth day of explaining, I’m frustrated, and give up even trying to respond in a meaningful manner. Because no matter how I phrase it, break it down, or just all out point out the obvious….if the person still doesn’t come of their high horse and make a point of trying to see the other side of the argument, its fruitless and I have better things to do with my time. Point blank.

Third Conversation: “Feel pity for me”.

I don’t give this type of conversation any attention at all. I don’t give the other party fuel for their pity party, and this may seem like I’m being heartless, but sometimes giving them fuel makes you the responsible party even if you have no part in whatever the situation is. It’s best to disengage from this type of conversation quickly and quietly. Just put the phone down, or walk away….because if they suck you in, then your own life gets pulled down into their cycle of negativity and sucks the life out of you. Plus it sucks your energy and ultimately isn’t worth it. If left alone, they will eventually tire of their self-pity and pull themselves back up. Every. Single. Time.

Fourth Conversation: ” I hate drama!”

Usually I have found that the people whom say this the most, are the ones who cause it or invite it in on a silver platter. Please….stop telling me this and just start showing me (and the world) how much you actually despise it by not actively engaging in it.

Fifth Conversation: “What are you going to do when..(insert beloved relatives name in here and their demise)”

Seriously?! That’s my business and not anyone else’s. I have my life planned out and I do not feel that I need to seek someone’s approval on how I go about laying it out for myself. It’s a form of manipulation that isn’t cute or friendly and I also tend to cut off this conversation rather quickly. There’s nothing to be gained from it. Except sparking my anger…which well then I would just be wise to walk away…in the opposite direction.

These are some of the conversations I’m tired of having already. I have mentioned five of the more common themes here but in reality there’s many more where they come from. Truth be told, I am tired of rehashing these and many others. It is draining, stressful and just not necessary. I will work out what I need to have in my life in my own time, way and speed. I haven’t done so bad lately and things are coming together, it is just slow…and that is what I wanted for five years.

So let go at this in my own way and timing and things will fall together like they are supposed to. In the meantime I’m doing the best I can for myself….and guiding myself down this journey (with help…I must add that) and so far its shaping up. It’s by no means perfect….but its my life, my journey. Usually the ones whom are judging your life are the ones too lazy to focus on their own and make changes that work for them. I wanted to blog more but honestly I am really tired and I need to make something to eat. Until next time, Lisa. 🙂

A photographic look at San Diego, Ca.

Its hot….there is no way I can effectively sugar coat that. It’s just plain HOT! Then factor in the humidity….yeah..lets not go there. I was on this laptop last night when I noticed a pinkish hue making its way into my room….I looked outside and noticed a gorgeous sunset. It was beautiful..the third time this summer we’ve been graced with an amazing sunset. I have photos of where I call home, and I am more than happy to share them here, with you. Please be advised that I am not flaunting where I live in your face…I am just merely sharing this with you. I really love San Diego! ❤ 🙂 **These are not my photos..they are courtesy of Google Images.**

san-diego-california-11

Full Moon rising over San Diego City Skyline, viewed from Harbor Island

Full Moon rising over San Diego City Skyline, viewed from Harbor Island

San Diego city skyline at night, showing the buildings of downtown San Diego reflected in the still waters of San Diego Harbor, viewed from Coronado Island.

San Diego city skyline at night, showing the buildings of downtown San Diego reflected in the still waters of San Diego Harbor, viewed from Coronado Island.

san-diego

Ocean Beach Pier, also known as the OB Pier or Ocean Beach Municipal Pier, is the longest concrete pier on the West Coast measuring 1971 feet (601 m) long.  Sunset Cliffs and Point Loma extend off to the south.

Ocean Beach Pier, also known as the OB Pier or Ocean Beach Municipal Pier, is the longest concrete pier on the West Coast measuring 1971 feet (601 m) long. Sunset Cliffs and Point Loma extend off to the south.

Picture of the clouds above the ocean beach pier reflecting the orange from the sun that has just set.

Picture of the clouds above the ocean beach pier reflecting the orange from the sun that has just set.

Granted…I didn’t always love it here….there was a whole year of time where I hated it. I actually wanted to be anywhere but where I was. Crazy, right? At the time I didn’t think so. Until I really looked around and decided I loved where I was, the city, the rural areas, the entire county of San Diego, in fact. We have mountains, inland valleys (where I currently reside), coastal areas and beaches, and deserts. I just really love it here…and the sunset’s this summer have been fantastic. Whenever a tropical system moves over us, besides the rain, the sunsets are the best part. Definitely worth the time to check out and take photos. I used to really be in love with where I live….and that has slowly come back. Even during the humid summers, such as the one we are experiencing now, I still truly love it here. I love how the air here is fresh and clean (no smog), the breeze is usually off the water except when we have the Santa Ana winds blowing through, and how this city always tends to come together to help those whom need a helping hand. Of course I can’t forget that we are a Military city….we have all four branches of the Military residing here. 89calendar-002b midway01_8in_30

The Unconditional Surrender statue with the USS Midway Aircraft Carrier Museum in the background.

The Unconditional Surrender statue with the USS Midway Aircraft Carrier Museum in the background.

The two previous images before the statue are of the USS Midway as well, once in active duty in 1989 and now retired in our bay as an aircraft carrier museum. I am also including images of The Star of India…allegedly reported to be haunted. images 50519669_3a96e224a3_b 250px-STARofIndia(c)Ted_Rufus_Ross

I absolutely adore and love San Diego as you can clearly tell..but its during the summer that it truly shines. Okay here’s a few more pictures…this time of our Coronado Bridge, which spans the distance between Coronado Island and San Diego.

Coronado Bridge, and downtown San Diego, California.

Coronado Bridge, and downtown San Diego, California.

San_Diego_Coronado_bridge01coronadobridge1web2

I hope you have enjoyed this as much as I enjoy sharing it. 🙂 Have a good Wednesday folks! Until next time, Lisa. 🙂

Well…I guess you won’t be staying?

In the midst of investing in my life, health and education….I’ve noticed more people are simply falling away from my life. Some are quiet about it and I prefer that but yet some are simply noise makers who love to be heard. I figured changing my focus would ruffle the feathers of some….but all? Some of them are people I’ve known for years now…some have stayed by my side and helped me along the way, and some just disappear under the radar. Normally no big deal, but when they make waves..it causes problems. Such as when they announce on a homepage to everyone that they’ve unfriended you. Ridiculous, really.

But I hear these things are completely normal….people naturally fall away that do not have the same vibration as yourself when you try to improve your life. I have been working on improving my life lately…as you’ve no doubt read in my posts. I love the saying ” The secret of change is not to spend energy on the old, but to spend it on building the new” …..and have been living by this for almost a month now. I’m not saying I don’t love the ones whom have stood by my side for years and are still in my life…I am just saying that I don’t need to expand so much energy on the old. After all….telling sad stories from your past tends to make them linger into your future. With my past..I’d rather it just stay away altogether.

I’m beginning to really make peace with my past and move away from it..which is a healthy, necessary step to take. Unfortunately that means certain people won’t end up with me on the same path which is just fine. Everyone has their own journey and everyone struggles with something. I’m just happy they are removed and the energy associated with them is wiped away as well. Makes way for the new and positive and that’s all that matters in the end. In some ways I suppose I can view it as a narrowing of my life as I am focused on myself…but in some ways that’s a limiting version of the truth.

The current people in my life don’t need to be struggling with anyone in my life  …and truth be told I have people in my social circle from all facets of life, diverse backgrounds, religions, countries..etc. However, I do tend to protect people who I am close too and if that means removing someone whom is toxic then that is what must be done to preserve my sanity and well-being, not to mention my peace of mind. That’s the sad part of improving one’s self…people just fall away.

Improving your life and your self is one of the greatest acts of kindness you can perform…because without the right energy and taking care of one’s self..we are of no service to others. Like Lucille Ball has said “You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world” and she is absolutely spot on. You have to start with yourself if you wish to change the world, for it improves your outlook and what starts on inside always ends up manifesting on the outside. I’ve had great results with that mindset and I have to say I believe it to be so.

I had to find inner peace and well-being on the inside before I could make my outer physical world appear more peaceful and with that being the intent, when it was made so, people who brought conflict or tension were just removed. I let them go….I will not chase anyone anymore. If they are removed, or remove themselves, I figure it’s for my own good and something is being worked out behind the scenes. I just tend to follow the plan until I see His results and His intentions. I just have to have faith and trust in Him.

Patience is another thing I’m currently working on…or attempting to at least. I don’t have much in the way of patience anymore but I am trying to strengthen that character flaw. It is a much-needed characteristic because before all of this, I had bucket loads of it. I worked with a family, a rather large family that included two elementary school kids and an infant. Patience was a given..even when it was in short supply. This is one I am currently working on.

I have always said and claimed that I never expected my life to change so drastically and this is the truth. But in hindsight…it was truly needed to open my eyes to the reality around me and what wasn’t working in my favor any longer. I realized a lot of things about myself that I didn’t like…and some that I did. Needless to say my eyes are open and I’m noticing things that I didn’t take time to think of before. I still have some character flaws but I am moving beyond them now and expanding into new ways of being, thinking and seeing. I am far from perfect but I don’t have no need to reach perfection. I am only aiming to be a better version of whom I was. No more, no less. Perfection is an illusion..and I have no need for  illusions. I’d rather keep it real and live in reality.

As this has been happening, I have also noticed the continual upheaval in my life has disappeared. There are certainly bumps in the road, but the constant arguing and emotional drama/games have gone by the wayside. The more I’m my authentic self..the more everyone around me appears to be as well. I love the freedom I have to just be myself, or live and let live. It’s a more natural state to just be….and not expect anything.

When you don’t expect anything from anyone, you will not be disappointed. I have found this to be truth as well….I would rather just have peace, calm and occasional silence rather than conflict, upheaval and drama. I just don’t have time nor a place for it. I have also learned to just ignore the ones I don’t resonate that well with. That is for the best as well, overall. I am able to concentrate more on what I want in life and that includes my education. I can’t pretend I’m passing all of my courses with perfect marks but I am more invested this time around and making more of an effort to really concentrate and be focused.

Energy flows where attention goes so that make it a no brainer for me. I have simply decided to have a more peaceful, calmer life….and that includes focusing on my quizzes and materials that are presented to me each week. For example, I’d usually wait till the last-minute to start the first writing assignment in my English course, but this time I had it ready and waiting, saved on my laptop until I needed to submit it. I’m not claiming to be better prepared than the rest of my classmates, I just know that waiting to have it submitted leaves me with time to spare and focus on my other courses and time left over to type some blog posts. Its all about prioritizing..something I have learned well. I learned this the hard way…to be prepared. Too often I have waited until the last minute to complete and submit my assignment and paid the price with my grades.

I have definitely learned from those experiences. I have also finished my career portfolio and already applied to some jobs this week. Not bad for this only being Tuesday. Typically, I’m not so productive in a single week but these last few weeks have been very different. I have learned to prioritize and etch out those things that didn’t need to be accomplished or were of  no importance …in other words I delegated tasks a level of importance in my life. Those that were important were delegated. Those that can wait or be removed altogether? Eliminated entirely. 🙂  By the way…I’ve broken this post up into small, digestable paragraphs since it is long. I figured that would be a good idea. I don’t like reading blog entries that are one run on paragraph myself so I try to be considerate to my readers in this aspect.

It’s funny how quickly life can change…or stay the same. I say embrace life…and let it change you for the better. I hated change at one time, now I welcome it. Sometimes life has to fall apart before it can fall back together, but better, and stronger than ever before and the same can be said about a person as well. Sometimes you have to completely fall apart and then you can choose how you rebuild yourself. One thing that can be taken away from all of that is; you will be much stronger in the end for having experienced whatever it was that broke you. It took me seeing that with my own eyes to really internalize and believe that. It also won’t rain forever, and that took me a long time to believe as well. All I kept seeing was the storm, instead of the good in my life I had around me the entire time. Well…I will digress for now..since this is a rather long post. Until next time, Lisa. 🙂

Who I am and why I’m here. (Blogging 101 assignment) .

For those of you whom are familiar with my blog, you may skim or skip this post if you desire. 🙂 I am writing this as a quick refresher for those whom may be joining me and perhaps don’t feel like reading all the way back to the first few posts (though if you’d like to, check out the archives on the front page). I am Sunnyhaze2006, sole owner and blog post writer here on the Orchid. i decided to write this blog to give myself a creative outlet to vent..(cleanly) and to gather a community of support around myself. This blog has provided an outlet me for to put my thoughts down, give myself some creative freedom, organize my thoughts and my frustrations…plus I have had the pleasure of getting my story out there and to share my journey in this world.

Its pretty intimidating at first when you realize that your post is read by scores of folks and you may have just put a chunk of yourself out there to be judged. But in the long run that vulnerability fades as you have folks rally around you and really come out and support you or just start to follow your blog. Believe me, you make all the difference in the world on the darkest days/nights when you leave a supportive, caring comment. We all need the support once in a while and its awesome to know someone understands or just cares enough to reach out. 🙂

My entire point when I revamped this blog and decided putting my journey out there in front of mankind as a whole, is to let someone who perhaps  may be in darkness or suffering from the same things I went through….to let them know they are NOT alone…although it may seem like it. There is someone out there whom truly cares and has been through the exact same things you might be dealing with. Connecting on a human level is one of the best ways to support someone, even if you have no idea that you just touched another’s life in some way. It’s the effort that really counts at the end of the day, and that makes blogging all the more worth it.

This is why I am also going to make a point to try at least to blog once a week…(perhaps more if inspiration strikes along the way that week) and to make a point to share my journey. It might just be course related posts or rants (depending) but either way, that is my goal. Blogging gives us a real chance to reach out and touch another’s life …..and maybe even meet some new and interesting people. 🙂 It’s truly a worthwhile venture and this is why I’m always grateful to have my blog on here. I haven’t posted any recipes lately so look for those to be showing up more as well. **As I usually note, if they are not my own recipe I will note that before giving the recipe and the needed steps. The original author will always be noted and given credit as well as a link to where you may find the original recipe.**

Well readers, have a fantastic week!  Until next time, Lisa. 🙂

Reserved……

eGlvY3R3MTI=_o_summit-entertainment-bristol-bay-logo---sahara-2005

The above image is from Summit Entertainment. But to me it fits the feel of this post. I have been thinking for most of today and I’ve come up with this: I have been really reserved lately. Why? I’m still figuring this out. I haven’t really chatted much lately, although I do have a chat room of my own, with mods and friends. I haven’t really been texting that much either..although some could argue that point. I had it brought to my attention today that I don’t go in the rooms (chat rooms) anymore….and that one innocent line from a friend really brought forth my thoughts from the last couple hours. Do we truly interact anymore with humans? Or are we beyond reserved? I’m not talking about the much talked out “offline interaction” (which of course is vital as well) ..but I mean online. Do we post? Some are far more active on my timeline’s than others….I read somewhere that we don’t even post most of the time..we just scroll. Why?  Well the answer may lie in our own lives…perhaps nothing to post about? Or do we simply feel its best to remain quiet & reserved? Perhaps a bit of both. I have definitely become more reserved than I used to be..and that doesn’t sit comfortably with me. Have we become so complacent as a society that silence is considered the new norm? Do we go through life as robots, just simply going through the motions or are we considered a more advanced civilization? I would hope it’s the latter and not the former…but one never knows, do they? My point of writing of this is because today it dawned on me that I hadn’t really been “typing” much in the last few hours…never mind this last week. Oh sure I’ve been online….and sure I’ve scrolled…engaged when I felt I needed too….but really, my mind wasn’t on what I was doing. It was clearly on other things…things that I cannot begin to describe with any authenticity….much less in a fashion everyone would understand. Perhaps if you looked back in the archives you would find a post labeled “My personal journey” ….you would then begin to understand what I am encountering all over again..but this time I’m not afraid to speak out about it. There are people all over the world experiencing this….and someone has to speak up for them.

The last time I went through this I remained unable to speak out and put a voice to the horrors and scary encounters I was dealing with. I couldn’t lend my voice to the support of others because I was too afraid. This time I have more strength and will speak out. Speaking out about this is most often times, the only form of support one can find. Whether you believe in this or not, one things’ for sure: your belief system doesn’t change our experiences one bit. Nor does it take away from it. Sometimes life changes…sometimes we become reserved…quiet….afraid to voice our feelings or experiences. Well, being reserved doesn’t serve me well..in the end it leaves me tired and questioning things that I have accepted as the “norm” for far too long. I actually made a “bucket list” on my phone last night for 2015..and one of the things i put on there..is to “quit living life quietly” . Point blank. That encompasses basically everything that I really need to focus on. It takes awhile to live life “out loud” once again but I am determined to do it. I govern how I live life for the most part and there are certain things in my life that I need to fix about myself. One thing is my anger…I’ve written on its harmful effects here….”On Anger (or what it can do) ” .  Its the most dangerous emotion we have …and outside of stress..it does the most damage. Please feel free to browse and read the entries I’ve linked for you. They describe it so much better than I possibly can (and yes, I wrote them.)

Sometimes life throws us curveballs but the best thing to do is to swing at them…I read that on Face Book today and its so very true! Standing there being pegged by them, being bruised repeatedly is pretty lame if you ask me. So bring out the biggest bat you own and start swinging at them..see how far they go before they land. You might be surprised…and might dodge some real bullets along the way, given half the chance. 🙂 Keep on swinging and dodging! Until next time, Lisa. ❤ 🙂

Who am I to others?

I just blogged this from a blogger I follow (as you can see) because her post stood out to me. The last few weeks have been lost to the haze of trying to recall vital points and parts of myself. As frustration built up I began to make it known I wasn’t in that great of a mood…maybe not the greatest idea. However, everyone becomes frustrated. So often we get caught up in our lives that we forget to reflect and step outside ourselves to check the reflection we’re giving off to others. When I’m both tired and frustrated, it clearly shows. Same as when I’m happy and at peace. I sometimes wonder who I am portraying myself to be….to others…my readers on here and my friends as well. You don’t know much about my life except what I’ve shared here. That’s only a slice of whom I really am. Is it the authentic me? Yes. Is it the whole picture? No. I actually refreshed the look of this blog for that reason…to expand on whom I am (and how I share it) because in my opinion the other design (the way I had it) was too limited. So…expansion came to mind. Good idea? Definitely. Scary? Best believe it!

I am not used to sharing so much of myself online to strangers. However, since I do have a FB account I should be used to it by now. Which leads me back to my train of thought for this post….do we always see the forest? No. Can we try to see the forest from the trees? Of course. Look at the bigger picture and realize what works and what doesn’t in the eyes of your audience, regardless of what the platform is. Unfortunately I cannot tell at my own glances through my blog how I come across to some of you….especially in the earlier posts. Do they scare you with their brave, strong, dark content or do you hang in there and follow my journey through post by post..up to this point? That’s entirely your decision and I have left them up for the most part….without taking away from the story they weave. To erase that is to erase what I survived…and that would take away from who I am. I’m not willing to do that…for anyone. I have also expanded this blog because I am not one – dimensonal..I’m multi~faceted as are many human beings. I was a housekeeper/nanny for five long years..it ended on a bitter,angry note that led to some dark times and now I am climbing my way back out,. It made me who I am now. 🙂

I have no idea who I come across as to you all….based on entries alone. But I do wonder often times how I look/come across to my friends? Angry? Occasionally, yes. Strong? I’d hope so! Mean? At times, yes I can be. Considering the patching job I had to do to one friendship I can tell I wasn’t always the nicest person in the world but I am working on fixing that as I go along now. Do I come across as someone who takes a bunch of courses and gets overwhelmed and tired? Most likely. But that’s just who I am…..all of those perceptions don’t make up who I am..but they do play a role in people’s perceptions of the whole picture. You own opinions color your perception and that’s just fine. That is human nature, after all. I am guilty of that as well. Everyone is..but don’t judge the book by its cover I say. Give it time and delve deeper…you might just find an authentic person under the layers they choose to show the world at large online or in person. I’m not perfect nor am I free from stumbling and making errors along the way…that is how we learn and evolve. We must never stop growing or learning. That’s the point of being alive..to grow..evolve…and be happy. 🙂

Our own perception of being happy…there is no “one size fits all” that applies there. It just goes with whatever your definition is. Just don’t get bogged down in others perceptions. What may work for one, may not apply to the other. That’s just life and how it’s made up. We’re guaranteed happiness..it’s in the Bill of Rights after all..listed under the right to “life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.”  Whatever makes up the pursuit…that makes you who you are. Your own journey. But don’t forget to occasionally step back from yourself and see what makes up the whole picture of “you”…what makes you tick…what makes you happy…those things define you. How do others see you? Until next time, Lisa. 🙂 ❤