Since she was finally captured a few months ago, I’ve been healing and recovering from everything I went through, and trying to get my life back on track. I keep fighting for my peace sans harassment from anyone and anything, to just have stability and peace again. To have freedom from all the darkness that has plagued my life for the last year or so by now, and to have the break I need from the spirit world. Since I finally have that, I’m using it to tackle coursework and my own personal healing work that only I can do.
It’s fairly quiet….I spend my evenings now watching Paranormal State, which is one of my favorite shows and just relaxing, taking time for myself. I haven’t had time to do that until recently when things settled down again. It’s nearly Christmas and a new year, to which I say thank goodness!! I’m also exhausted, as usual, and can indeed tell I’ve burned myself out and more than likely my adrenals are taxed out. What does it feel like to survive demons, the devil, narcissistic/psychopathic abuse in one year? In a word, exhausting. I’m burned out from everything I went through and survived.
I’ve also been told recently that I’m not as nice as I used to be, and I’m “mean” and angry. The anger is a natural consequence of that which I survived, and is to be expected. I truly just want my life to be smooth, peaceful and with as little complications and stress as feasible. Anything not meeting with that has to go or is gone/been removed. This applies to people as well, especially if they participated even passively in the abuse and coverup.
As a direct result, I trust no one except God himself. When I was low and abandoned, HE was there, HE built me back up and strengthened me to get back up on my feet and fight. Which I did until I could no longer, because every ounce of fight and energy had been zapped. How did I end up at this place? In the archives is the whole story of what happened, when and why, if you’re interested.
Recovery from narcissistic abuse is rough, they use verbal, emotional, psychological abuse so the wounds are not visible. In my case it was those and more which makes the recovery so difficult. It’s never easy to heal and overcome the abuse but I know if I keep chipping away at it, it’ll happen by itself. I just need to be patient with myself and give myself the down time, however long it takes to heal and decompress. I went through so much darkness that the struggle back to the light hasn’t been simple to say the least. I’ve fought tooth and nail against vicious smear campaigns, spiritual attacks, and stalking to overcome the battle and reach this point.
So here’s to healing/recovery from the depths of extreme darkness and into the light…and leaving darkness behind. 🙂