It used to be fun…

At one time.  There used to be costumes, music and laughter.  There used to be chases through the house and in the back yard.  There was friendly good natured sparring and joking.  There used to be movie nights and trust.  Popcorn and snacks.  There was dancing,  glitter and light.  There was life and peace, joy and fun.  There was safety and baseball night.  There was sleeping next to me just because.  There was friends and fun.

 

All that’s a distant memory now. All that’s been replaced with anger, darkness, and words like psychopath.  I miss those days……. I miss innocence and I miss being safe.

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Life changes and so does the weather.

Life changes…sometimes it throws you curve balls, other times it just quietly winds around the corner. My life now, is settling down and I’m grateful for this. I’m also exhausted….it’s a deep down kind of tired but it’ll pass eventually. I’m starting to get back to my life quietly, away from all the upheaval.  It’s the only way I can heal, and just moving my furniture around made a huge difference. The weather is also cooler for now at least…and I am hoping it stays that way.  We were roasting lately in the 90’s and I’ve had enough of that heat, thank you very much. October has been brutal with too many hot days.

 

Regardless, I’m loving that life is winding down and I can relax more and take it easy. This year I’m not looking forward to Halloween, I usually love handing candy out to the kids and teens and seeing the various costumes. This year, I couldn’t care less, I’m too tired. Thanksgiving is approaching fast as well and I have no idea what we are doing this year, besides the bird. Last year we ended up having my friend’s sister and niece over so I had the house decorated and clean. The kitchen table was pulled out and it went well.  Hopefully we know sooner rather than later so we can make arrangements.

 

Usually decorating is a full time job itself…..lots of stuff to hang and trying to hang it without falling. I have some decorations already up outside of the house for now, as I decided to start early due to being absolutely exhausted this year.

Been Awhile.

I have been busy the last several months since my last post. I have wanted to write then usually get so caught up in something else I forget about the blog for awhile. As always, I appreciate the readers who hang in there with me during the long silences.  I had the past come back in an unwelcome way but now it’s over and I’m much safer. I moved my room around yesterday….switching the couch with the bed and now it looks more cozy and kinda like a small apartment.

 

I’m also taking new courses! Human geography, astronomy (demanding class) , history, theology, english, political science, literature, and Chinese history.  I’ve been busy lately trying to stay caught up and on track, especially with astronomy which already has us reading three chapters in the first week! I digress though.  I also have a tablet, finally! It’s the BLU (Bold Like Us) Studio II tablet. Okay it’s more of what they call a phablet…a seven inch smartphone.  Therefore, it’s absolutely perfect for taking my courses. It also has lots of nice themes and I can play my favorite games on it to relax.

 

Life has had it’s ups and downs with healing as well. I don’t believe I blogged about this before when it occurred but a while ago I was battling hacked email accounts (Gmail isn’t secure…they gave a code to get into my account to the hacker just a few months ago..friendly heads up.)  Then I found a friend’s pics on my FB album…without me ever being notified they were added. My fB was hacked…a friend’s fb was hacked to the point that she couldn’t reset it….and before she was hacked she found a rant on there about me, claiming I’m psychotic and then ranting about the shared chat site we met on.

 

That created quite the firestorm which already was an inferno because I had to deal with a smear campaign being lodged against me, one for six years (which I knew nothing about…don’t ask how that is possible, I’m not really sure) and one more recent than that in which tons of information came out and I was lodged as the hater and the aggressor. It was rough for awhile because some days I couldn’t reset my password fast enough to regain control over my accounts.

 

I have since deleted those affected and opened a new one which I keep to myself. It really is amazing what can occur but I made out of that alive, but frazzled and with information I’m still pondering to this day.

 

Regardless, I’m just glad that is over with for now. It made me question a lot of people and to this day, I question the information that was revealed in terms of accuracy. In fact, I question a lot these days..more than I believe anything at face value. But I digress. Regardless, those were some of the bumps in the road I had to face…and now it seems to be smooth sailing finally. School is going alright…just demanding like I’ve said. I’m glad that most of the courses I take are self paced, therefore easier to contend with and not due on some deadline that’s etched in concrete. Astronomy is the most demanding however…..it’s keeping me focused and on my toes.

 

I will try to add more posts and perhaps add some more recipies as well. I haven’t been baking or cooking with much lately except prepackaged stuff, or burgers on the grill or chicken, mostly due to being so exhausted. I’m dealing also with adrenal fatigue….so it’s really no wonder I’m so tired all the time. Stress, rather chronic stress, shoots too much cortisol and adrenaline into your body and if you cannot find a way to burn it off, it does serious damage to your body, one of which is to deplete your adrenals. Take care of yourselves and enjoy the changing seasons. 🙂