Lessons.

So recently, I’ve been thinking about everything that’s been making me so moody…and the last few weeks especially. I’ve had some in-depth discussions with some trusted folks and I’d be impervious to say that I didn’t see trends popping up. These trends are the moodiness, the rough edges, so to speak. The irritability, the being quick to snap on people, etc. These do not define me, however they are a part of my personality, especially the last few years. I’ve tried shaking it, just to have it return. I know I need to deal with this effectively to feel more peace and in turn to radiate that as well.

The thing that’s at the root of this ‘moodiness’ is that when I try to get my back on my feet, something comes along and knocks me back down, to a place I’d rather not associate with anymore. That is not to say I don’t have some control over my life and what affects, because I’d be lying if I claimed that. However, lately things have been getting to me more and more. There’s always room for personal responsibility, however and I take it when needed. I also take into account how my irritable moods affect my relationships. There comes a time when enough’s enough..and I’m about to reach that point myself. I get tired of feeling so damn tired, drained, and moody.

Folks, if you ever find yourself in the aftermath of a horrible haunting, don’t wait to seek out help by hiding in your own cocoon. You might end up traveling down the path I did, and that is ‘no-mans-land’ for a reason. No human should ever be made to feel that way, by anyone, ever. Shutting down isn’t the answer either. If you can find supportive friends, family or members of a group that not only believe you but can help you…then use that resource. Don’t go it alone…..the effects of something like that are pretty strong….and it’s almost impossible to break free on your own, as emotional ties are the strongest. When I get really moody, I tend to shut down and freeze everyone out….and I don’t write or post either. Its just not the way to go about things. There are humans out there that experience haunting’s, even dark ones.  You really are NOT alone and so don’t go down the road of recovery alone either.

Of course I can write that more than I can remember that. I recently started watching movies again as I do love movies. I am also taking a film history class….it’s only the first week but so far it’s interesting. I’m caught up on recent weeks in my classes so that’s going to make it a bit easier to get caught up. It helps to get that under control so at least one more thing isn’t piling up. Overall, life really isn’t bad..I sleep better at night, a few exceptions aside, and now I can take the needed time to still work on me and get me back to normal. My life may never be completely normal…but at least it’ll be more stable. I’ve always hated making schedules…much less sticking to one.

But maybe my life would do better with some structure. I used to be a morning person..had to be for my job…and that structure..though tiring…was a good base to have my life on. I knew what would happen every day…and when I’d get up and so on and so on. When I came here that all fell away. I didn’t know what to expect from the daily life here….and I didn’t have much time to acclimate either. Now that I’ve settled, finally….it has become much easier. Now I just need to work on a routine…and I think that should help with some of the core issues as well. I guess what I’m trying to say is that don’t let things destroy you….I let this destroy me for too long. Until next time, Lisa.

Advertisements

I’m alive….

I have typed and uttered that phrase several times over the last few weeks. I have even text it to friends who tell me they miss me, via text. Which is awesome, because they take a few minutes out of their busy lives to let me know they care. I had this typed out by at least a few paragraphs, and didn’t save the progress. Now consequently what I had typed out is gone.  Ah well..I get to do a re-write I suppose. Anyways….I had shut everyone out because I felt like I had no one I could trust at the time, with the sensitive issues. When you feel like that, you tend to shut people out. This invaribly leads to conversations such as the one I had recently, saying things such as how quiet I’ve become. I suppose before I moved here, I wasn’t so quiet…but chasing after and taking care of three kids will do that to you. I used to be more engaging, more talkative, more friendly……less angry, bitter, resentful…etc.