I took a break from blogging to attend and deal with private issues that popped up unexpectedly. I read a long quote today that basically goes like this: “No one can hurt you unless you hurt yourself.” In fact, here’s the quote:
This got me thinking, and considering all the drama and negativity that I’ve been working to get away from lately, it rings true. Peace has been my ultimate goal this year, to just get away from everything that has been holding me back and down at the same time. I just really needed to get in tune with myself and notice why I kept feeling this ‘tug’ and ‘pull’ from my soul, leading me back to events that I just desperately wanted out from. I didn’t notice how much it was trying to tell me that there’s something here I needed to learn, something that wasn’t quite ‘finished’ yet…although I’m in the process of forgetting said events. I am so attuned to ignoring those ‘pulls’ and ‘tugs’ that when its repetitive and strong, I have to stop and focus on just that for a bit to gain the message. This time, it was clear. Loud and clear. There’s a lesson here that needed to be gained because it won’t stop pulling me until that occurs. I may be very ready to move on, but the tugging won’t quit and every time I try, I’m pulled back.
If you are thinking, well that’s annoying, you’d be correct in that assumption. I figured I had already gained the lessons..however, that appears to be incorrect. So here I am once again, somewhere I don’t wish to be….tuning in and essentially ‘tuning out’ the world. Now before the assumption is made that I believe there to be division, that would be untrue. There is no division….I am just tired of being in the same place, going through the same events. I’m ready to leave the past in the past, where it has belonged for a year now. Moreover, there has been a conflict inside myself that appears to have shown up in my life. I’m in the process of letting go and removing memories, and this creates problems simply because being forgotten is hard. It’s very hurtful, and at times, unnecessary. When its time to move on, its best to just go with the flow rather than resist.
Its time to move forward, to focus energies on the present and building something much more pleasant that anything I’ve left behind. I’ve been making decisions on whom to carry with me and whom to leave behind. Definitely a rough decision to make, but its imperative I decide this. I have finally found the peace I’m searching for and its time to implement it. But this doesn’t mean certain people have to be in my life, and this is where the problems come in. As it stands, I’m unsure whom I’ll recall and what not…but I do know one thing: Once the memories are erased, and the people in the memories are faded from memory, there’s no going back. In other words, its time to be happy…and its time for peace to reign as well. That alone is my main motivation….a simple word….but it carries weight, and brings about change in a positive light. Peace….besides, it’s my birthright, as is happiness.
Its been time to move forward…..but I made this decision with clear intent the other night, after truths were exposed. Sometimes, that is all it takes….and when intent is clear and strong, it naturally occurs. This world is in so much chaos that when peace does reign supreme, we mistake the calm for something being ‘wrong’ when in reality, everything’s right. The peace and calm bring clarity and truth and in the long run this is what matters the most. The only thing that matters as peace of mind is a wonderful thing. Its just time to be happy and free from the past….besides, it really has nothing new to say..I made a decision earlier about that. I just simply cannot have anything in my life that will upset anything or anyone. I can’t avoid that completely, but I will try my best to prevent it as much as possible. While it’s personal and I won’t reveal whom my choices are, it is refreshing to have come to this decision finally.
I’ve been waiting two years to return to my previously normal life, with gifts and such intact, carried with me, used in the right way, to help, not hinder nor harm. With the memories being removed, its the first definitive step to peace and as much of a normal life as possible. It will never again be completely normal…but I’ll take peace any day.
In unrelated news, I have an interview on Monday. I’ve been applying to jobs now for a few months and off and on for the last two years…so its always nice when something pops up unexpectedly. I just hope all goes well. I was out in the dining room tonight having something for dinner…when I really decided to listen to my surroundings. I noticed two things: one, pure silence, save the wind in the trees, and a cricket chirping out front, and the neighbors. Two, was the lack of any paranormal noises. It’s dead silent in that aspect and for that I’m eternally grateful. Until next time, Lisa.