The long, winding, curvy, turbulent, stormy, twisting, cruel, bitter, beautiful path back to myself.

This post is designed to be honest, open and different. You are entitled to either indulge or skip it entirely.

The storm came in with a blinding force with a set determination and a wind speed that blew away any preconceived notions I had set aside in my effort to remain ‘sane’. The storm blew in chaos, disorder, hate, anger, pain. It also came with a blinding shield that I donned with no hesitation. I was determined to just ride it out as much as possible and not deal with the aftermath, or any damage that resulted. The storm blew in a darkness that was so deep it carved open a hole that I would soon fall into. The path was covered in this deep, impenetrable darkness and the turns were winding and an outcropping of rock or stones presented themselves at every opportunity. I tripped over every single one and yet placed the blame on someone else, instead of realizing who the blame should be on. I was wearing the blinding shield …so I noticed nothing was amiss at the time. I couldn’t see or hear what was being twisted around me, from something beautiful and pure to dark and cold. I never stopped to take a look around or to question the obvious. I just existed in this dark underbelly of chaos and disorder while everything we had worked so hard for disintegrated into pure ash. The path I was on was destructive, not just to myself but to everyone around my immediate vicinity and in my life as well. The decay that was left was intangible….yet very much real.

I resolutely kept trudging along, content in the darkness and not being aware of the damage that not only existed, but was being re awakened in the fog that seemed to settle over absolutely everything I tried to examine. Every thing I questioned was answered in silence, riddles or ridicule. or even worse…a lie. I tried to examine things that were being questioned, things that couldn’t wait for a month or two before being fixed. Meanwhile, while searching endlessly for the right path out of this storm….every single piece of ground we covered was demolished and replaced with quicksand. Instead of rising from the ashes like a phoenix, we sunk deeper and deeper until rock bottom was hit. This storm was violent you see..and eager to cause destruction. It was hungry for darkness, chaos and spite. It was thirsting for attention, drama and conflict. If any one of these was not to be found, it was created. If something was found to be beautiful, it was dealt a quick blow and destroyed in a matter of minutes. Nothing was allowed to thrive and grow in this tangled heap. It was destroyed by fire, blood, sweat and tears.

Nothing would be left untouched…..everywhere one looked, there was burnt out piles of life, hope, and happiness. The anger that stemmed from this storm was merciless in its wit and quick tongue to remind all of misdeeds, instead of forgetting and forgiving. It was quick to lash out and cause pain….the target often times was innocent of the alleged misdeeds. However, that didn’t matter any. The justification was silenced with a constant belittling berating fury. At times, the wind calmed enough to gather energy and strength for the next imagined battle to give it claim. Soon thorns would emerge from the many branches that stretched out into the darkness, and those thorns would cut deep into any flesh that happened to pass by. The wounds inflicted were sure to ooze not only blood, but frustration as well. The thorns would illicit anger and the blood spilled would add to the decay that was prevalent in every direction. The ash began piling up on every surface covering more of the true path and making the journey arduous. The smoke from the fires of deceit filled the sky until any sunlight was blocked out.  The darkness crept in and turned day into night, and ushered in the shadows. The truth of the matter was hidden in an attempt to illicit events of the past to transpire… see, this storm had a hidden agenda. Seek and destroy all that dwell and tried to find shelter from the storm.

Unfortunately, this storm didn’t seem to have an ending…it persisted because change was resisted. The path was leading to a serial repetition of events long since transpired and exhausted, and I continued along blindly. Any attempt to question or confront the storm would end in a battle wound that cut so severely one didn’t make the mistake twice. Eventually strings would end up on my arms and I was strung along blindly in a jealous rage. Busy work would ensue to keep me from seeing the haunting truth. It would take many trudges through this dark and ruined landscape for me to confront the storm and implement changes that would disable the power it carried within its depths. When it was found that the truth outshone the dark power it held, it blew away to hide in its evil depths. The light poured hope into the desolate destruction that was left behind. Wounds were cleansed, bound and on the path to healing. Lies were brought to the light and cast out. The branches were broken off and burned, the thorns turned into rose bushes in the presence of the light and sunshine. The ash blew away, never to reappear. The winds calmed to soft, gentle warm breezes. Out of the destruction came beauty, and the true path. The path lead to peace and tranquility. It carries righteousness, truth, light, love, serenity and joy. The door to the other path is currently locked and sealed, so as the storm can’t get in.

This is the descriptive story of how I found the right path once again. The tale of how I’m attempting to put my life back together after the storm finally ended. The path led to myself….I just had to find it. Readers, if you find yourself in such a storm as the one I described, do not be hesitant to ask for help. Keep asking until you receive it..and remember that although humans may make you feel alone, the truth is that you are not. Its true freedom when you get away from someone that causes a storm such as this, but healing begins when you allow the lies you were told to be sent to the light and then cast out. We are here to be loved and to love….not to manipulate others. Until next time, Lisa. 🙂


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