Well….seems things are once again changing, but first they went in reverse. I had a severe disagreement with someone and that opened the hole I’m inside once again. However, the hole isn’t their doing, as it was opened previously by something else. So….therefore changes were necessary. I am currently retreated from the world for the most part, aside from my courses and daily interactions here, which are sometimes made difficult by others. Regardless, the hole is a rough place to be and live in. If you have zero prior experience with this, then you should consider yourselves lucky. However, if you are curious, I’ve done the leg work for you…and have brought back a link: (I test all links before posting for safety) http://www.elephantjournal.com/2011/05/4ways-to-deal-with-your-emotional-black-hole/
Anyways….that is what I am dealing with. That disagreement opened up some wounds that hadn’t yet scarred, and created new ones as well. This is why they say the tongue is the strongest muscle in the human body. It can do the most damage, even via text message. When we do not stop to think before hitting ‘send’ …we can do more damage than we ever intended. Texting is a wonderful, often times silent, way to communicate. But when you are angry with someone, it can then be your ‘tongue’ so to speak which then causes damage that you may not be present to perceive. However, we have all made this mistake..myself included. I’ve also had this done to me,…we are all guilty of it at times. The best thing to do in the heat of the moment is to put your phone on airplane mode and take some space. (I don’t always remember to do that..unfortunately) but it prevents a lot of regret and missteps.
Its been my experience that hurt people tend to hurt people. I have done this myself. However, when I think back on this particular friendship I also note that it is not the healthiest one nor is it the best one I’ve dealt with. I’ve am giving myself a few months to really consider whether I want to have this in my life, or if giving it arms length is the best idea after all. But the best option I believe at this time is just to keep it at arm’s length and see where everything ends up. I do believe that things will continue to be peaceful….sometimes its amazing what can change when we remove someone whom is negative. Also, I have a few things to work out in my life and within before letting this person back in completely. There are more than a few things that irritate me to no end about himself because I see them reflected in me. So, those need to be worked on and ironed out before I take that major leap once again.
I keep seeing past patterns re emerging…past events that have shaped my life for the last two years in fact. Two years! I still am surprised that things are still going bump in the night here. I started this journey in this room & house two years ago now…2013. It’s always amazed me that things tend to re emerge..long after we believe they have been removed. We’ve all given our time, energy, gifts, and talents to rid this place of the evil it has soaked up. Unfortunately evil has a way of saturating something so completely. Although we are trying our hardest to cleanse it,..there is still much to accomplish. Most of all, there is work to do on myself. If you have been following this blog and/or posts on this then you have a general idea of all this. I just have pretty much refrained from going into explicit details.
I have a responsibility to look within as well and determine where exactly things went so wrong…and I have been doing that for the last few months. I’ve found some not so pleasant things that have ushered in exactly what I do not want to contend with. I am going through some ‘growing pains’ but they are necessary. There is a latent reason this keeps occurring, although this should have been finished two years ago. Either way I’ll keep searching to find out the reason..the core issues at hand here. For now, that’s my solution. There could be a reason I’ve forgotten long ago…but either way, it’s important. Until next time, Lisa. 🙂