I’ve decided to write this time…because it does help me out in the long run to heal..and its gets my thoughts out instead of them erupting into anger and causing problems. Last time I didn’t do this…and I paid the price dearly. So this time you will be with me on this journey and you will be able to read my emotions as I go through this, sometimes day by day, week by week or month by month. I figured I had made some progress already as it was..but unfortunately that progress seemed to erased. However, I have decided not to let that be the case. I refuse to give negativity a power it simply doesn’t possess. Nor will I be chasing anyone….Divine or not. I’ve decided to walk this path alone…and maybe that’s what I need to do, to find myself again and to heal my heart and my self. I have decided as well that anything less than what I deserve won’t be acknowledged, as that as well gives it a power it doesn’t have itself. Lessons learned and picked up along the way. I don’t know…. we shall see…..
Tonight is a nice summer evening….the breeze is just right…and there are kids playing next door, they had some country music playing. It seemed to fit right about then. Since I started writing this post once again, I have turned on some really nice, smooth blues music. I have been trying to write this post for hours..but decided to come back to it once I got started. I’m still angry….and that anger unfortunately gets in the way of writing. It’s nice to get the words out but when I’m that angry I have found its best to just do something else until I am calmer….then the words just tend to flow. It’s that same anger that I am trying hard to overcome and release. It’s mostly built up frustration…and anger. I was told recently in a dream, regarding a situation, that it’s an adjustment period. If that’s the case, then it shouldn’t be so frustrating. It is nice to be able to enjoy a summer evening for once despite recent circumstances that are still on my mind. However, answers are still pretty foreign at this point. Regardless, its nice to be able to see nature and enjoy it. Usually on summer evenings, I’m inside listening to music or working on my laptop,…or just surfing the web….maybe taking a nice shower. In other words, ignoring what’s going on right outside my windows. I haven’t taken enough time to really enjoy the outdoors like I should…but tonight that was different. I didn’t stay out long enough to catch a sunset but the evening is nice, regardless.
So much is written about summer….the evenings that just drag on till 9pm…the warm nights (I can attest to those) how the days turn into endless days piled onto one another until you forget the day of the week….bonfire, the beach, sand castles, family vacations, theme parks…etc. There’s a reason for it…the season holds so much magic….that given the chance to be enjoyed can really give you some lasting memories. I still have fond memories but I have made newer ones as well….earlier in the Spring I caught a baseball game with my mom….they lost (horribly) and we had trouble finding our seats but all in all, we had fun. That’s the point. Summer is about the long days, the sunshine, perhaps the ocean….long days, long relaxing evenings….as a kid it was my favorite season. Despite the heat…it was long days of fun with my friends, countless sleep overs and long days spent having fun…and camping out as a kid. It remains my favorite season despite the heat., I hope you all make good, lasting happy memories this season…its what it’s all about after all. 🙂 Until next time..Lisa. 🙂