I am slowly learning to just take time for myself & to slow down. For too long I pt myself dead last…and it eventually took a toll on me. I ended up being sick….time & time again. Then I would be forced to slow down…but only until I felt better. Then it was back to the grind of things. Now that I have two months to get my life back on track, so to speak, I can take time to just breathe and trust the process. I can take time to really learn what my course is supposed to “teach me” instead of having my attention diverted elsewhere at the same time. I really need to learn what’s best for me in the long run…not what’s best for everyone else. I am also learning to let go of the stresses I’ve been carrying this whole time. Stress is so bad for the human body…but especially over any given length of time. I also have the chance to re assess what I am really looking for in this life…and while it is nice to be relaxed and have that inner peace..eventually there will come a time when I have to get back to the grind of things so to speak…and I will have to use the inner peace I am cultivating now.
I went through the darkness and pain again….but I came out stronger. I learned to stand on my own two feet and be strong because I had no other choice. I couldn’t afford to be weak….so I have built up quite a bit of inner strength. It’s nice to know that if I need it, its there. But for the time being….everything’s basically slowed to a halt…which is perfectly fine with me. I have learned to enjoy the slow times…because that’s what I wanted most of all. The slow times and the peace they bring…a chance to relax and rest before getting going again. The chance to just “be” and the chance to live a normal life for once. These are all things I’ve wanted for months now….and I intend to keep on going in the right direction. I am grateful to be sleeping on my own….without sleeping pills. Not only that..but sleeping well. I haven’t been off of sleeping pills in over a year…and I am grateful to be now. Heart burn issue aside..I’m grateful to be sleeping on my own once again.
I decided to wean myself off of the chemicals…in the end they were doing more harm than good. I was living in a perpetual state of sleep deprivation…I simply wasn’t sleeping enough. I also haven’t had a single nightmare in almost a month. 🙂 I’m very grateful for this fact. My sleep and peace of mind were stolen from me when this initially began…and now they have both been restored. As well as my safety….and for that, there’s no words. Just a feeling of appreciation and peace. I have also disconnected from some people..and that has also brought me clarity and the peace I’ve been seeking. Sometimes things take time….and sometimes disconnecting is much harder than it seems. Sometimes it’s easy….you just simply part ways peacefully..no conflict, drama,, arguing. That’s the best way really. At any rate..I just feel lighter most days than I have in almost a year….and now that I don’t carry around the memories….its definitely looking brighter. All things considered….I’m grateful and appreciative of the quiet while it lasts, but of course I have the hope that it will remain so.
At this moment that I’m writing this, I’m thankfully able to tune out the world….it’s nice really. 🙂 Its nice to just be still and let things settle as they will..and I’m letting the pieces fall where they will. I refuse to pick them back up….its easier to just move on with life than to stay stagnant. I’m no fan of the events repeating…so hopefully things hold & they continue to hold. Because I am just now working on gaining more patience..but I have nowhere near enough to fight any form of evil. Besides which, it’s summer…July! I began to feel better about things on the 4th…and so far that feeling has stayed with me more often than not. I was able to see some fireworks from behind a neighbors tree…but it was enough to make me enjoy the evening. Two brave soul were on top of their carport roof recording the fireworks..and some kids were playing at the local park here. It was a nice warm night…and it was just the sort of thing I needed. I have also cut out unneeded drama…and that has really helped my stress levels. Until next time…Lisa. 🙂