Summer and true feelings.

It’s officially begun. Its already warm here…..I say warm, some say hot. Even if its 90 outside, with a decent breeze it isn’t all that bad. Schools out for the season….but around here you can’t really tell much. It’s a pretty quiet, sleepy neighborhood. I prefer living out here than in the middle of the biggest city…its just so quiet out here and in my eyes, its pretty. I love the pine trees, the mountains that surround us and silence. Its a place where I’ve healed….and am now starting on a healing journey once again. Everything was fine and peaceful then unfortunately the haunting started back up again. I have dealt with it and the repercussions…including a few times of hiding in my “hole” (self imposed) and just trying to recover from too many nights of lost sleep. I’ve also started this demanding history course but atm I’m having trouble passing the mastery test to move forward in it.

Those are considered the good things..(minus the haunting) …I’ve been battling a weak will to fight anything more…..hmm…that’s the first time I’ve seen it typed out on this laptop….and it made me stop for a few minutes and really absorb that. In a way, I do want to live….a life of peace, happiness and tranquility. On the other hand…we keep removing the darkness and the toxic evil from my life…and it keeps returning. 😦  I am so fed up and frustrated with how things have been transpiring for the last year…..and counting that I get overwhelmed and at times….I just see things as bleak. Perhaps bleaker than they truly are. Recently I burned some bridges that I shouldn’t have…and I’m working on rebuilding those bridges day by day..little by little. I am working on trying to improve myself and my outlook on life so its stronger. But battling the darkness every night is the worst……even with help…it gets overwhelming. I love life but without the darkness and the fear of it returning. I had strength that was reversed from fear but that has since lessened. I guess in a nutshell what I”m saying is that I’m looking for the light at the end of the tunnel . Wondering where things went so drastically wrong a few months ago and in turn attracted the evil here once more.  Evil can kill…but at the same time it doesn’t have to physically “kill you” …it can just murder you day by day..slowly ebbing away at your peace of mind and your life.

it really sucks to have a portal to hell in your room….and its direct access. We have sealed it…but yet evil returns in many forms. I am not sure what gave it the invitation but we are trying to eradicate it. Its definitely affecting me and my health…but I am trying to reach out and push my way out of this. For now it just feels impossible and it seems even more impossible as time goes on. I know love conquers all…but this haunting has really taken away from that..  Either way I will survive and get through this…I just end up hating this hole..but at the same time its my safe refuge from everything. There is such a void in my life atm that I am having trouble filling. I know this a lengthy post but if your still reading and I haven’t lost you…then I thank you for making it this far. I just needed somewhere to get the feelings down ….and out of my head. Until next time.l..Lisa.

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