“Let me start by saying that if you disagree with me, then okay..but please keep the comments civil. Ty. ”
I am using a different setting for this one because this post will have a different feel to it. IMHO (Or in my humble opinion) I believe that friendship is a real thing first of all. I know some of you may claim that’s obvious and may even snicker at that, but I say it for obvious reasons..that society seems to need a refresher course on what it means to be a true friend. A real friend doesn’t betray nor belittle their other friend(s). Nor do they stab them in the back. I have been subject to both and seen both at the same time. I have also seen enough that this is what friendship means to me these days. It is now completely different from what it was at one time. So here is my open letter:
Friendship…is a precious thing to behold. We usually come from all sorts of different backgrounds, very diverse. We may have baggage from a previous friend that did us wrong before. Perhaps we are ethically diverse. Either way, if we’re friends..your pretty special to me. Especially these days. Friendship can cross state or even international lines. If you’re an international friend of mine, I consider myself lucky to have you in my life, for it brings variation and different customs and culture into both of our lives. I choose my friends very carefully these days. I don’t expect to talk daily….(even when I email you.) I know that at some point, our paths will cross and we’ll pick right back up like nothing’s ever changed or the conversation was ever over. I run my conversations with friends as if they are one long ongoing conversation…which most times it is. I love and care about my friends and I care what happens in their lives. I truly am happy and sad when both good or sad things happen to them or their loved ones. I always am an available shoulder to cry on…except when I’m asleep. In that case, I usually pick up messages when I awaken.
I have at times, taken time for myself and pushed you all away at one time or another..or all at once. That is usually to sort through my own issues and problems. In the end, I usually come back around. With this in mind, I say this: My friendship is not to be taken lightly or with a grain of salt, nor for granted either. I won’t always be around to wait while you get your ego patched back up after a particularly nasty argument or fight. I won’t run back if you’ve crossed an unforgivable line. If that’s the case and I forgive you…then that’s that. But I won’t take you back. It saves my heart and my sanity, not to mention my stress level. I decided a long time ago that if you’re my friend, you are worth trusting, and that’s that. I never question you or that.
I no longer give three chances….I only give two. This is not only for my own protection, but for those around me. I have seen what jealousy, hate and greed can do to a person, to say nothing of a friendship. Length and time are nothing compared to someone whom is real and willing to work hard and prove themselves and for those of you that have accomplished this, I say congrats. You’ve earned what you have. If you haven’t earned this yet and are on the fringes…(perhaps a new friendship) then be patient. I like to see what person brings to the circle first…then slowly let them into my life. I only let those I trust the absolute most into my private life and world. Always tread lightly. Friendship is not taken for granted, don’t lie…(ever) and be real with me…always..on everything. Don’t make me think you’re double~crossing me or make me doubt you. You’ll lose me quick these days, and once I’m done..I’m done.
If the time isn’t right to share details, then I’d prefer not to know the problem at all, rather than just have tiny details left out. Just tell me the whole story when you feel you can. So much simpler that way. If I come to you with something I heard from someone else, be patient. It may have been elaborately embellished or take time to explain. Remember that people like to embellish for flair and style. I will usually come to you with something I have questioned…on the other hand..don’t embellish something with me either. Too many details at once makes me automatically question your motives for what you are telling me and what you are hoping to accomplish with that. If I suspect ulterior motives, I will distance myself drastically and protect my friends. If I find out you lied to hurt another friend of mine, you’re dropped instantly. Consider yourselves warned. I treasure and value my friends, which is why I protect them so fiercely and defend just as much. I will walk away from anything that threatens their welfare/safety. These days my eyes are all the way open and I’m more aware of people’s motives. I learned the hard (and painful) way that some people are just drama~seekers and attention seekers. I have time for neither and I will not hold anyone’s hand in this lifetime.
Sometimes, friendship can be patched. Sometimes I tend to run…the complete opposite way…quickly. If I feel threatened in any way, shape, or form I will run for the hills immediately. If you stand the test of time through that…then your a hardy, true friend and I’m grateful for your presence in my life. If you’ve stood by my side through the last year or so of my life when it was the darkest and hellish it’s ever been, then congrats. You have proven yourself to be very strong, loyal and worth my trust. I will always be grateful to the ones that proved themselves to no end and stuck by my side, regardless of what I went through, and braved my anger. You are indeed very brave souls. ❤ Sometimes I push friends away for their own protection, as was the case for most of last year. I couldn’t deal with what their life issues were and mine as well. I pushed most away for their own protection ..I didn’t want them to be used as targets for the hate that was so clearly aimed at myself. I tend to do this when I feel I am threatened in any sort of way, so consider yourselves advised on that point. I will shut down, hide and tune you out…until I feel safe again. That is just the way I am. I hope you can understand that. If I let you into my world be prepared to defend your right to be there. In all aspects. Do not question it..I’ve learned to do this after being burned too many times by the same person. They are the main reason I am the way I am today with people. I know some of you are still on the fringes, still wondering what exactly happened a year ago that changed not only my life but my whole way of doing things…..in time, you will may be advised. Or not. Depends. I have left it behind me for the most part and revisiting that part of my life is not productive for moving forward. So I don’t speak of it much unless I have to nowadays.
With that being said…be aware that I am moving ahead in life, not backwards. No one can live in a rut for the rest of their lives. You eventually grow tired of that and move ahead and leave the past behind as well as the feelings that accompanied whatever happened then. I still have things that happen to me…but I don’t dwell on them. I just let them go and move forward…no sense in dwelling. It would only increase the likelihood of of something similar happening again in the near future and that isn’t something I want to see happen. I’m not blind to recent events but I am more than what’s happened to me. it doesn’t define me, as it shouldn’t. It wasn’t of my own doing so….it doesn’t get the rights to define to me. It happened TO me…but its not WHOM I am. I am much bigger than what’s happened to me….and I will not let it define me. I determined that a while ago. My life is peaceful now…and I am determined to keep the calmness and peacefulness that I have had in my life recently close by and in my life. I am not giving up either without a fight..but that fight won’t be physical or mental. Its about attitude. I lived in the darkness and fear long enough. No more. Its time for peace and calm in my friend’s lives and in mine as well. I’ve had enough of stress and anger….the peace is nice to have near and close to me. So I hope all of you that read this understand where I’m coming from these days and respect where I am as well. I’ve changed but for the better. I wish you all happiness, peace and luck. Until next time..Lisa. 🙂