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An Open Letter On Friendship…Part Two.

“Let me start by saying that if you disagree with me, then okay..but please keep the comments civil. Ty. ”

 I am using a different setting for this one because this post will have a different feel to it. IMHO (Or in my humble opinion) I believe that friendship is a real thing first of all. I know some of you may claim that’s obvious and may even snicker at that, but I say it for obvious reasons..that society seems to need a refresher course on what it means to be a true friend. A real friend doesn’t betray nor belittle their other friend(s). Nor do they stab them in the back. I have been subject to both and seen both at the same time. I have also seen enough that this is what friendship means to me these days. It is now completely different from what it was at one time. So here is my open letter: 

 Friendship…is a precious thing to behold. We usually come from all sorts of different backgrounds, very diverse. We may have baggage from a previous friend that did us wrong before. Perhaps we are ethically diverse. Either way, if we’re friends..your pretty special to me. Especially these days. Friendship can cross state or even international lines. If you’re an international friend of mine, I consider myself lucky to have you in my life, for it brings variation and different customs and culture into both of our lives.  I choose my friends very carefully these days. I don’t expect to talk daily….(even when I email you.) I know that at some point, our paths will cross and we’ll pick right back up like nothing’s ever changed or the conversation was ever over. I run my conversations with friends as if they are one long ongoing conversation…which most times it is. I love and care about my friends and I care what happens in their lives. I truly am happy and sad when both good or sad things happen to them or their loved ones. I always am an available shoulder to cry on…except when I’m asleep. In that case, I usually pick up messages when I awaken. 

 I have at times, taken time for myself and pushed you all away at one time or another..or all at once. That is usually to sort through my own issues and problems. In the end, I usually come back around. With this in mind, I say this: My friendship is not to be taken lightly or with a grain of salt, nor for granted either. I won’t always be around to wait while you get your ego patched back up after a particularly nasty argument or fight. I won’t run back if you’ve crossed an unforgivable line. If that’s the case and I forgive you…then that’s that. But I won’t take you back. It saves my heart and my sanity, not to mention my stress level. I decided a long time ago that if you’re my friend, you are worth trusting, and that’s that. I never question you or that. 

 I no longer give three chances….I only give two. This is not only for my own protection, but for those around me. I have seen what jealousy, hate and greed can do to a person, to say nothing of a friendship. Length and time are nothing compared to someone whom is real and willing to work hard and prove themselves and for those of you that have accomplished this, I say congrats. You’ve earned what you have. If you haven’t earned this yet and are on the fringes…(perhaps a new friendship) then be patient. I like to see what person brings to the circle first…then slowly let them into my life. I only let those I trust the absolute most into my private life and world. Always tread lightly. Friendship is not taken for granted, don’t lie…(ever) and be real with me…always..on everything. Don’t make me think you’re double~crossing me or make me doubt you. You’ll lose me quick these days, and once I’m done..I’m done. 

 If the time isn’t right to share details, then I’d prefer not to know the problem at all, rather than just have tiny details left out. Just tell me the whole story when you feel you can. So much simpler that way. If I come to you with something I heard from someone else, be patient. It may have been elaborately embellished or take time to explain. Remember that people like to embellish for flair and style. I will usually come to you with something I have questioned…on the other hand..don’t embellish something with me either. Too many details at once makes me automatically question your motives for what you are telling me and what you are hoping to accomplish with that. If I suspect ulterior motives, I will distance myself drastically and protect my friends. If I find out you lied to hurt another friend of mine, you’re dropped instantly. Consider yourselves warned. I treasure and value my friends, which is why I protect them so fiercely and defend just as much. I will walk away from anything that threatens their welfare/safety. These days my eyes are all the way open and I’m more aware of people’s motives. I learned the hard (and painful) way that some people are just drama~seekers and attention seekers. I have time for neither and I will not hold anyone’s hand in this lifetime. 

 Sometimes, friendship can be patched. Sometimes I tend to run…the complete opposite way…quickly. If I feel threatened in any way, shape, or form I will run for the hills immediately. If you stand the test of time through that…then your a hardy, true friend and I’m grateful for your presence in my life. If you’ve stood by my side through the last year or so of my life when it was the darkest and hellish it’s ever been, then congrats. You have proven yourself to be very strong, loyal and worth my trust. I will always be grateful to the ones that proved themselves to no end and stuck by my side, regardless of what I went through, and braved my anger. You are indeed very brave souls. ❤  Sometimes I push friends away for their own protection, as was the case for most of last year. I couldn’t deal with what their life issues were and mine as well. I pushed most away for their own protection ..I didn’t want them to be used as targets for the hate that was so clearly aimed at myself. I tend to do this when I feel I am threatened in any sort of way, so consider yourselves advised on that point. I will shut down, hide and tune you out…until I feel safe again. That is just the way I am. I hope you can understand that. If I let you into my world be prepared to defend your right to be there. In all aspects. Do not question it..I’ve learned to do this after being burned too many times by the same person. They are the main reason I am the way I am today with people. I know some of you are still on the fringes, still wondering what exactly happened a year ago that changed not only my life but my whole way of doing things…..in time, you will may be advised. Or not. Depends. I have left it behind me for the most part and revisiting that part of my life is not productive for moving forward. So I don’t speak of it much unless I have to nowadays. 

  With that being said…be aware that I am moving ahead in life, not backwards. No one can live in a rut for the rest of their lives. You eventually grow tired of that and move ahead and leave the past behind as well as the feelings that accompanied whatever happened then. I still have things that happen to me…but I don’t dwell on them. I just let them go and move forward…no sense in dwelling. It would only increase the likelihood of of something similar happening again in the near future and that isn’t something I want to see happen. I’m not blind to recent events but I am more than what’s happened to me. it doesn’t define me, as it shouldn’t. It wasn’t of my own doing so….it doesn’t get the rights to define to me. It happened TO me…but its not WHOM I am. I am much bigger than what’s happened to me….and I will not let it define me. I determined that a while ago. My life is peaceful now…and I am determined to keep the calmness and peacefulness that I have had in my life recently close by and in my life. I am not giving up either without a fight..but that fight won’t be physical or mental. Its about attitude. I lived in the darkness and fear long enough. No more. Its time for peace and calm in my friend’s lives and in mine as well. I’ve had enough of stress and anger….the peace is nice to have near and close to me. So I hope all of you that read this understand where I’m coming from these days and respect where I am as well. I’ve changed but for the better. I wish you all happiness, peace and luck. Until next time..Lisa.  🙂

Slow, peaceful, warm days.

beach_san_diego_1        

It’s been really nice here these last few weeks. We have been having a nice warm winter this year, much like last year. Although we do have some reain coming in thru the 19th to the 21st, I cannot complain about our weather, simply due to the fact that there isn’t anything to complain about! Sunny skies, 70’s and 80’s..high waves..sounds perfect right? I do have to admit I feel bad for the folks on the Eastern Seaboard who are currently being slammed by snow, and brutal cold. There is an end in sight but I’m not sure I can’t definitely tell you it’s before April. All I can do is share pics with you of our weather and allow you to daydream of a warmer climate.  We seem to have warm, slow, peaceful winter days here..more than our fair share if you want the truth.

The days pass so slow out here..and it doesn’t go without notice either. It’s peaceful here simply due to the fact that pretty much everyone in this neighborhood minds their own business. They keep to themselves and let others live. That should be the way of the world if you ask me. We are too much into other’s lives and business when in reality things should be kept private. I’ve touched on this subject before but it remains true. SamSung has released a new tv that can listen in to your conversations that you attend to in front of it, simply by having the “voice recognition” app activated. This should shock most consumers however I think it might be the norm these days. We don’t expect much privacy when we cruise the web, or use technology or devices. Shouldn’t we? Depends..on what you allow.

While it remains true that you could unplug your smart tv from SamSung while you talk if you have the app activated. But that amounts to just a pain in the butt if you ask me. Can we expect reasonable privacy in this day & age, from anything to technology to our neighbors? Perhaps…but I do know that I love the freedom and privacy we have in this particular neighborhood. I absolutely love it because all things considered, I hate my privacy being invaded. Like I’ve stated before, just because my doors open doesn’t mean I have a ‘walk-in’ policy. Just to clear anything up, I’m referring to my bedroom door…we keep the front door locked at all times. It’s one of those metal security doors. So, dear readers, what, if any, is a reasonable expectation of privacy, to you, in this day and age of “always on” connections, smart phones, and digital devices? Until next time..Lisa. 🙂

From my phone…..

Tonight I am sending this via my phone to my email to be posted later. I wanted to write about peace in my life because lately I have been experiencing that. I know I write about my life mainly but this is due to the fact that I need a place for my thoughts to flow too. I have been absolutely loving the peace in my life lately…and continue to pursue it. Living and having a fresh start in life is what makes me happy and is the only thing making much sense. I am grateful to be a Mod and grateful to be living on my terms only. Not someone else’s definition. I just want to live and be in peace..not wondering what life holds or consists of. People can be so blind sometimes to the actions of others.  The secret is to not let anything destroy your inner peace and calm. Until next time…Lisa.

Weekend Thoughts.

This past weekend was very busy and I’ve felt it since then. Actually I’ve felt this tired for a while now…but haven’t dealt with it. More to the point, I’ve pushed it aside till now when it’s hit square in the face. I’m ready to hit the pillow at around seven or eight pm my time….which is unlike me. Before you suggest sleeping pills..I have that covered already. I am one tired lady lately and if you don’t believe my words one look at my eyes will convey the message to you quite clearly. My life has settled down massively finally..now that I’ve rid myself of one very toxic friendship (good riddance!) and y life has almost zero drama. I know, amazing right??? Reading up to this point you might start to wonder! Lol but yes my life is pretty quiet and calm and I think that may be why the exhaustion of everything I went through is hitting me like a ton of bricks now.

Once you keep going and push past the signals your body is sending out, the aches and pains, and the fear and uncertainty and just become determined to keep pushing on and on till you break..you don’t feel the exhaustion nor the sheer weight of what you’re carrying until the point that you hit the wall, and you say that’s it! Then once you are relaxed enough…BAM!! The sheer exhaustion hits you like a proverbial slap in the face. Hard and swift. Plus your body aches (because once you run on adrenaline, you don’t feel pain. One of the tricks of your body.) With enough sleep your body naturally repairs the aching muscles and they get to start fresh.

But if you are living with constant stress and tenseness (is that a word?) in your life, you are slowly run down, mentally, physically, spiritually, and emotionally. The saddest thing is that you don’t even realize it!! You may very well be making your own life toxic and you wouldn’t even realize it. Stress is such a dangerous thing its known as the silent killer..along with heart disease. (Which, BTW prolonged stress can lead too.) Tired? Achy? Sick? Feeling run down and ragged? Stress may very well be at the forefront of all of that. You wouldn’t even realize that until you de-stress effectively and decide to just relax. The best way to do that, is of course society tends to turn against….and that is ..disconnect. From everyone for a while. I didn’t think my stress in my life was that unmanageable but it becomes this way when it’s allowed to build up plus more added onto as time goes by.

I would have been well rested by now (I had four months after all) but I had to tie up loose ends before being able to relax. Now I am paying the price with my health and how fatigued I am at the end of every day. I’ve gone through a hell of a lot in the last year or so (maybe two?) and I am feeling the effects of it all at once. If you can take anything away from this post ..let it be that: Take time to de-stress and relax. Do not carry the stress of other’s on your shoulders. Let it go..before it reaches unhealthy levels. I have met and made more friends on a social media chat site. I am now also modding a chat room to help them out. I am also still pursuing my MBA but those courses are now on hold till the next set of courses starts. Atm I am only taking two courses which is a nice reprieve. =) The heavier energies of stress, anger, frustration, hurt, guilt and resentment finally took a heavy toll on me and I have paid the price for all of that.

My relationship ultimately ended up heading south which is fine because I need time to work on myself now that I’ve survived everything that was meant to kill me. I am a stronger person now and that is part of what has kept me going so strong these last few months. The other part of that is my *real* friends that I’ve discovered all the way through this. I’m always grateful for their presence in my life and their perseverance and resilience. I do have some good news to add to this post: I finally have my favorite cat back with me!!!! I get to see her and pet her everyday! 🙂 ❤ ❤ ❤ 🙂 Until next time..Lisa.

New Life, New Direction, New Craziness.

So over the last weekend, my mother & feline moved in. Mind you I haven’t seen my cat in a very long time..so it always awesome to spend time with her. The pooch is adjusting well..just goes slightly crazy whenever she sticks her head of tail out lol. Overall, things are alright..finally. It took me a long time to arrive at the peaceful time in my life where I now reside. Literally took me falling to rock bottom and laying there for a bit before I could find the strength to question motives and pick myself back up. When my life absolutely fell apart last week (again) I  had to make some life-changing decisions and stick with them. I have since done this and continue to seek out the peace and quiet in my life I deserve. It took an awful lot of convincing from friends (real friends) and my own soul to get me to accept that changes needed to be made. 

I tend to dislike change strongly..as I like things to flow evenly and not be disrupted. However, the changes that came to be have definitely improved quality of life and brought about peace. When I let go of the toxic person in my life that was working behind the scenes to ruin any personal growth I was making, my life evolved into instant peace. I haven’t looked back since and I have found that it’s easier to forget conflicts and drama and look ahead to positive input and events and leave out the negative charges. No point on dwelling….I will leave him to stew and suffer in his own toxic waste. I’m not going down that path anymore in life. I have put up boundaries and have set them in place with tremendous amounts of concrete so to speak and they are not crossed anymore. If you’re not with me and refuse to seek out personal growth, then you have no place in my life. Point blank . I refuse to be held back by someone unwilling to change anything that isn’t working for themselves anymore. We have enough ugliness in the world..we certainly do not need to increase or add to it in any way, shape or form. 

As I have stated I am now helping to moderate a chat room on a much healthier chat site, I have my courses and current friends and family to deal with. I don’t have time for anything additional.  I just wish to move ahead and be at peace…in my own bright, sunny locale with lots of love and positive energy. Anyone can do this..but it’s a conscience decision to be willing to face what may need to be changed in your own lives and the courage to do just that. Maybe you are like I was and have that one jealous friend that is dragging you way down and is always attention seeking and drama? It takes courage to let them go…because in my experience they were emotionally abusive once they were caught in lies and called out on their behavior. But you have to realize that for your own peace of mind and sanity, you need to let go of their hand because they wish to stay stuck in their lives and refuse growth. Once you cut the apron strings, leave them severed. It’s much easier to do this when you have inner as well as outer peace. That peace becomes very precious and valuable as it did for me. 

I have that peace now and I am able to smile, laugh and look ahead to the future. I don’t live in the past nor acknowledge it. I don’t live their anymore…I live in the present, the “now”. Once you do that, you can let go of whatever’s draining you or holding you down. It’s worth the internal cleansing of your life to be set free and only you can do this. No one can do this for you, you must have the courage to see the reality in front of you and not dismiss it or color it to be some form you can accept. My life is so better for all of this now, and I have been able to feel the lighter energies rather than all the heaviness. Too many of us carry around that heavy vibration, the stress, the lower energies and negativity. This isn’t Hell and there is no need to carry that burden around. Once you let go of it, you will immediately feel the differences I’ve stated here. 

None of us are damned until Judgment Day so please don’t carry that burden with you. As long as your lungs fill and exhale air you have time to fix whatever may be ailing you or missing in your life. Have fun, smile, laugh (out loud!) dance, sing, joke around…but most of all live. Have the zest for life that we all share..that we’re all intended to have and please do not act like we’re all damned to Hell. That is the problem with so many people these days…they think we’re already heading into Judgment Day so they act like it. Please do not emulate the movies. Live life (out loud!) have fun, listen to music loud, just do whatever makes you feel free. We can’t change the horrible events that are happening overseas but we can change ourselves and our own lives. Until next time..Lisa. 🙂