I’ve been here, there and around. Mostly thinking about how to deal with this situation at hand ..not making too many successful attempts at harnessing it though. But I realize that I’m under way too much stress and emotional baggage….so I’m trying to let it all go…at least for now and attempting at writing a decent post, that my readers will understand. I am hoping this makes some sort of logical sense because my feelings need to be turned into words so that they can be released and I can de stress, so to speak. I’m still dealing with exact same situation I was when I started this blog..only this time I have been more quiet about it. But what good does that do? None! So let me get out some of what I’ve been thinking about lately and lay it out so it can be dealt with. I am starting to realize that living out here in the rural area of San Diego, California really might not be so bad…after all it’s slower and exactly what I need in my life to heal myself. However, it’s also a double lexicon…living out here has its advantages as well as disadvantages. I was talking with a friend of mine the other night about city living vs rural vs country ….and being out here has it’s plus and minuses. I pay a high price for my presence here, although I was sent here for a reason. I have also decided that hearing crickets and frogs at night here is definitely beneficial…there really isn’t a better sound and it beats out hearing car alarms, traffic, and blaring horns all night. Plus, like I’ve already covered the slower pace of life out here is definitely suitable to my peace of mind.. Running around like a chicken with my head cut off for five years is enough for this woman…time to relax, slow down and heal as much as I can.
This journey I’m on is rough…..paved with rocks, and asphalt and sometimes curves come up unexpectedly with some broken glass thrown in for good measure. I trudge along with bare feet, taking the pain with me as i go…knowing that eventually, somewhere along the line…the road and path will again smooth out. Until that point, I am trying my best to handle things and I have found that the stress I’m under isn’t any good for my body or overall well being. I need to just let go and let things be worked out like they should be….not how I see fit. Life works out on its own in time….and they say time heals all wounds. Well I have found that old adage to be very true, it does indeed. Unfortunately some invisible scars can never be truly healed…or at the most they scab over and that’s the healing limit. They are the hardest to heal and they take the longest to finally scar over. Its going to take time for me to heal…but I am on that path now more than I was before. I have decided that this isn’t going to stress me anymore..it did that enough in the beginning and there really is a life outside of a horrific demonic haunting such as those I’ve endured. I would have typed
suffered through but really…endured is the correct choice. I haven’t ever been one to become a “victim” and I don’t plan on starting now. I am simply enduring and making the best of what I have available to me and the resources that I have to help me fight.
That is what I plan on doing..fighting. Fighting for my life..and fighting for my peace of mind. Everyone deserves to have that….and everyone on this planet deserves to be happy and calm and have good well being. Life is for living after all and that’s what I plan on doing. The darkness is essential…in everyone’s life..just don’t unpack and live there and don’t give up. When you give up..you reject the light and everything good that’s in it..and everything good the light is made up of…you reject happiness and you reject your soul’s right to feel happiness. You also live and embrace the darkness..and if you haven’t any reason to deserve the dark, the torment and the evil brought upon you….then why would you subject yourself to living as though you did? As though that’s what you deserve? Just a thought I wanted to throw out there to have my readers think about.
On a good note..I finished my Climate Change course and passed my final!! I passed the course with a C+ average overall and that’s pretty good considering I was dealing with course burn out. I was majorly bored with the course and decided that I just wanted the course to be over already. It definitely was time to move onto other things and time to start working on myself. I’ve definitely earned it and that’s where I have come to now in my life. I have peace and quiet and am dealing with the remaining demons as best as I possibly can. Until next time folks..Lisa.