recovery mode atm….or “healing” as its more commonly known as. I am learning that it’s not an overnight journey into complete and utter wholeness. This stuff takes major time to get over and get through. I wish I had known/realized that months ago when I started, stopped and started again on this journey. I didn’t expect this to take quite as long as it has, but overall I have progressed much further and I’m learning new things as I go along. I have seen way too much, things that would make another human being run for the hills….yet here I remain. Firm. Still here. In defiance of everything that was supposed to force me out of my own space. I am here living…listening to music, and even dared to rearrange my furniture in here..which released a lot of the leftover negative energy that was stagnant and just lying around, so to speak. The way I have the room now is more free-flowing, less cluttered and more sensible, in my opinion. I really love the way it currently looks tbh. =)
I have also been trying to find who I used to be…as I have blogged about in previous posts. So far the old me is slowly re emerging although that is also slow. Finding out whom you are is rough, but figuring out when your on the flip side of a life changing event is even rougher, if not impossible. I have changed, or so I’m told anyways. But this thing that I experienced changed me in a way that I cannot go back to where I was at one time anymore. I’m not in that place in my life anymore, and while I’m grateful for that, I also know the person I once was has fallen by the wayside. I have grown a lot in the last eleven months and I have found that people who used to know me previous to all of this don’t support me or they just haven’t moved along quite yet. So I have removed them from my life and I am happy with who is in my life currently and for whom was always there.
That is another thing that I am learning about humanity. They constantly expect you to deal with their problems while neglecting your own. I cannot do that..and I won’t put anyone else through that either. I have to deal with myself now and deal with my own problems and do work on myself.. I am very grateful that it’s over and I not only got through it with my friends help, but I survived it. I made it through in one piece, regardless of the scars it left behind. I am finding it easier to lock away the memories of what happened and it’s much easier to continue living without remembering. I have found that life is simpler when you can easily forget what has happened in your life, that has traumatized you. Just lock them away. Until next time..Lisa.